It's been so long since I've had a consistent daddy who keeps me around. A soft dom who is capable of being rougher but not in a way that makes me feel insignificant. Someone who desires me fully, and understands I'm more than just a big bundle of kinks.
I miss being helped to get better at edging, having someone help me melt my mind into a mushy mess that drips out from in between my legs. Who encourages me to get worse but at the same time makes me feel like it's okay to, someone who can assuage my guilt in the moment and allow me to still be myself outside of some occasionally pretty dark play.
I really miss that kind of connection, and sometimes it feels like I'll never find a daddy like that again. It makes me sad to think about, but of course I continue on, I keep taking my weekly breaks and having my weekly relapses alone since that's all I can do.
I'm just going to do what I always do, smoke weed until I can't think about how lonely edging alone feels to me now that I got a taste of how it felt to have a daddy in my life and masturbate until I pass out!