A Rant on the 10th Anniversary of Becoming a Cuck
Today marks the 10th anniversary of when my wife became a hotwife and cucked me for the first time. It was a rush of an experience with over a month of build-up to meeting with her bull (busy schedules and distance and hesitation). We drove up to where he lived together and went to the hotel where I would stay the night. She put on sexy lingerie and a cute outfit with a short skirt. I remember her saying, "It probably won't stay on for long anyways."
I dropped her off at his place and spent the night out in bars, anxiously awaiting any word from her. I got the first image back around midnight, raced back to the hotel, and spent the next hour jacking it to the one picture. I picked her up the next morning, got the incredible recap and saw the pics and vids of the action from the night (and morning). It was life changing. That began a three year journey of delving into this kink I didn't know I had until that day.
Now for the rant: my wife was a completely different person before she became a hotwife, and then completely shut it down entirely. Not just the kink, but she is almost entirely walled off sexually. She has little to no interest in it now after getting plowed by men she wasn't married to and posting it on the Internet for all to see. She gets shy when I mention it. She tersely shut me down last night when I brought up this "anniversary." I know, people change. Our lives changed. We had major life events.
But my kink has not changed and I don't know if I can go the rest of my life without fulfilling it again.
As the old saying goes, I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger. I'm so much more in touch with the ins and outs of what I want than back when we were in it. I'm just so disappointed to have this partner who went from conservative wife who didn't even want to have sex in any position but missionary when we first started dating to this insatiable minx to someone who is possibly even less interested in sex than before.
I know I probably sound whiny and I should be grateful that I got to have this experience at all. I got to watch my wife be a porn star for three years. But knowing that side of her is in there is torturous. And having this kink without an outlet is torturous. I don't want to have to say "oh well." But it may just have to be "oh well."