A serious spanking
I have a question, and I know most will probably answer "just communicate" but please hear me out first.
I've (F33) had a spanking kink since I was a child basically. I have never been spanked before. Only playfully or during sex.
I am into the bad girl dynamics and I am really craving a more serious type of spanking. It doesn't have to be an actual punishment, but I want the serious dynamic over it and I want to be pushed to my limit. It could also be a serious punishment.
My BF of 4 years is showing some tendencies regarding being into this as well. Or, I mean I know he is to some level. He will threaten me with spankings, sometimes he puts me over the knee (still playful but with some touch of the s/m dynamic). He's recently sometimes "forced" his fingers into my butt when holding me down and spanking me at the same time (often wheelbarrow position).
Whenever he has threatened me, I've challenged him and said "do it". It even went so far at one point over text that he promised me that I would get a hard spanking and I said that he'd cave before I did. But nothing happened. He spanks me several times per week, playfully. We're talking he stops whenever some pinkness is starting to show and we're both often giggling.
So... I want to make this happen more seriously now. And we are normally very communicative about everything. But this is a side of me where I kind of feel like I want to make it happen without being too direct (e.g. asking for it). It's because the whole kink stems from me being turned on by feeling humiliated of not wanting it (but i do want it, you know what I mean) and I fear that too much communication might kill it for me.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I am not 100% closed to just making it more clear than I already have. But I'd be happy to hear some stories of how I can subtly make it into a more serious session.
Thank you!!!