I (41M) came out as bi to my wife last night. I realized I was bi in middle school. I told one friend and then bottled it up for over a decade. Then it crept back up in my mid-20s. I acted on it, felt shame, and then bottled it up again.
Repress, deny, pretend.
As I've gotten older, it's been moving more and more to the front of my mind. I can't block it out like I used to. And so I decided to tell her... it blew up in my face.
I understand why she's upset. I lied to her about who I am, but how was I supposed to tell her the truth when I was lying to myself?
We're going to talk again tonight...
Now for the crazy/ happy part... I came out to a small group of friends earlier today in a group chat. 5 guys. The first one to respond said "duh" and proceeded to tell the group that he's bi, too. And then another one! So out of a group chat of 5 guys that have known each other for 25-35 years, three of us outed ourselves as bi today.
I don't know what the future holds for my marriage, and I'm absolutely terrified. But the mental and emotional freedom that I've felt today makes it a little bit better.