u/savoringnotlost

So before anything else, a quick shout out to the bros out there staying strong. Like me, you also probably knew too many guys who should still be here but tragically aren’t.

It got me thinking.

For you fellow American millennials, remember the “my anti drug” commercials and campaigns? Where some teen would go on about his or her passion for skateboarding or something and they would end it with “skateboarding - my anti drug.”

Here’s to the men and women who are going through hell in their lives and have had darker thoughts than they care to admit, whether it was once or frequently, and they’re still here, fighting to feel alive again. Not giving up. This sub here, it may be frustrating as hell and wildly imperfect and unconventional, to say the least, but I’ve met some incredible people here (on older accounts), and I know in its own weird way, for some of us it’s our anti-depressant. Our anti-despair. Our way of reminding ourselves that we’re still here, and that connection is worth it. Cheers to you, ladies and gentlemen.

May we all find what we’re looking for on here, and then some. 😉

1. If we were single we’d be killing it with the ladies. It’s only our marriage that is holding us back. Our wives are boring, incompetent, and/or clueless, but it’s a total “them” problem for being strangely immune to our charm and sex appeal. The single dudes out there are lucky they don’t have to compete with us.

2. None of us have ever lied about our height on here. I’m 6’7” and a half. You should see the size of my hands, and my feet, and my…socks.

3. You’re the only woman we’re talking to. All the others fizzled almost immediately, or we respectfully communicated that it was not working out before ceasing our messages with them.

4. We’re brilliant. Most of us got into MIT and Oxford and Harvard and the three had a bidding war to land us. We ultimately turned them down because desperation is decidedly unsexy. We don’t respond to chasing.

5. Our real world professions are massively important, impressive, and lucrative. We prefer not to talk about them strictly because of OPSEC (otherwise you’d see our names and faces in Forbes).

6. Our FanDuel parlays are works of art. No one knows ball like us, which is why we’re getting richer by the day off the idiots at FD and Draftkings.

7. We would make you orgasm as hard as we claim we would. Harder, probably. Our stamina, flexibility, strength, and creativity are off the charts compared to the other men. We’d hit your G-spot, Y-spot, A-spot, and T-spot, all at the same time, just in round one. Don’t even get me started on what would happen over the next four rounds that night.

8. Communication and consistency are our trademarks. You always know what to expect from us. We’re clear, articulate, more captivating with every message, and we guarantee butterflies 80% of the time, every time.

In summary, please be patient when we’re slow to get back to you. It feels like every woman here wants a piece of us - understandably, because we’re the shit - but one at a time, please. See point 4 above about desperation. Sheesh.

1. If we were single we’d be killing it with the ladies. It’s only our marriage that is holding us back. Our wives are boring, incompetent, and/or clueless, but it’s a total “them” problem for being strangely immune to our charm and sex appeal. The single dudes out there are lucky they don’t have to compete with us.

2. None of us have ever lied about our height on here. I’m 6’7” and a half. You should see the size of my hands, and my feet, and my…socks.

3. You’re the only woman we’re talking to. All the others fizzled almost immediately, or we respectfully communicated that it was not working out before ceasing our messages with them.

4. We’re brilliant. Most of us got into MIT and Oxford and Harvard and the three had a bidding war to land us. We ultimately turned them down because desperation is decidedly unsexy. We don’t respond to chasing.

5. Our real world professions are massively important, impressive, and lucrative. We prefer not to talk about them strictly because of OPSEC (otherwise you’d see our names and faces in Forbes).

6. Our FanDuel parlays are works of art. No one knows ball like us, which is why we’re getting richer by the day off the idiots at FD and Draftkings.

7. We would make you orgasm as hard as we claim we would. Harder, probably. Our stamina, flexibility, strength, and creativity are off the charts compared to the other men. We’d hit your G-spot, Y-spot, A-spot, and T-spot, all at the same time, just in round one. Don’t even get me started on what would happen over the next four rounds that night.

8. Communication and consistency are our trademarks. You always know what to expect from us. We’re clear, articulate, more captivating with every message, and we guarantee butterflies 80% of the time, every time.

In summary, please be patient when we’re slow to get back to you. It feels like every woman here wants a piece of us - understandably, because we’re the shit - but one at a time, please. See point 4 above about desperation. Sheesh.

You and I have a lot in common. We're the last people anyone would suspect spends their time in these subreddits. To the world, we're wholesome, professional, clean-cut. They have no clue that underneath it all, we're fucking sick of it. Of showing up day in and day out being the parent, the employee, the volunteer, the boss that everyone needs, putting the world on our back and moving along to the next fire, rarely (or never) having the pleasure of release. Emotional, mental, sexual. It's not doing those things that bothers us. We signed up for it and would go through hell for our loved ones. It's that we want more on top of it - life should be that PLUS passion, connection, flirtation. We want to feel alive again, not just drowning in responsibilities.

They'd also never suspect how hard we play when we do have a spare moment to ourselves. They'd be shocked to see just how much our bodies react to a perfectly captured audio or voice note, ones that give you goosebumps and make our imaginations run wild, fully immersing ourselves in the sounds. The mouthwatering, addicting sounds of pleasure.

I'm 33, driven, educated, and have too many hobbies to name. Among them are all things outdoors, sports, literature, and conversations that matter. Fuck small talk. Let's talk about what makes you tick, what inspires you, what pisses you off, what really matters. Looking for a woman who's pent up and ready to let her down a bit, finally. I expect tight OPSEC from us both and will respect your boundaries. Let's give each other just what we've been needing. It is Friday, after all.