Need to vent so fucking angry
TL;DR: Psychiatrist prescribed me xans which i took unknowingly , robbing me of my 4 years of sobriety
I’m actually so livid. I have GAD and get pretty severe nightmares/panic attacks and anxiety surrounding bi-weekly doctors appointments that include needles (my biggest fear). 4 years ago , a horrible psychiatrist got me hooked on Kpins (60 2mg per month) and ativan (30 1 mg per month); essentially i took more and more, tolerance got higher, started buying street xans yada yada yada you know the story. 4 years ago, I Eventually ended up in a treatment center (PHP) with a substance abuse track, i tapered and kicked the xans and kpins (though, under psychiatric supervision i’m still allotted between 5-10 1mg per month of ativan; used to be 5 for panic attacks, now is 10 for the biweekly appointments and occasional nightmare). Safe to say, ive been 4 years clean off the xans and kpins! And, i strictly follow doctors orders on the ativan. Im really proud of myself for kicking that addiction, lookingback it was the worst 6 months of my life.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? The shame and guilt I feel are palpable, not to mention the anger. The worst part is how good it made me feel, how I want more, and how ate through them like candy. Im considering suing for medical negligence given the context. If anyone has advice or words of kindness, they would be greatly appreciated.
EDIT: i dont consider myself sober from all benzos , just the kpin and xanax, being misperscribed the xans in particular (my old drug of choice) itswhats upsetting me
EDIT 2: they sent in the xans INSTEAD of the ativan