Lil Essay.
i posted this on my page, but with what i’ve been seeing, i thought it might do some good in here as well.
Enjoy🎀
I see a lot of negative stuff about findom. Whether it be the dom/mes, the kink itself or whatever else. It’s just sad. I have been doing this since I was 19. I started in person, got exposed to a lot at a young age (obviously before this), and it just sucks to see what it’s come to.
Findom has been around for a LONG time. Like, before I was even born (‘99). I feel like the mainstream aspect of it all has turned into just “fuck you, pay me.” Not to mention, all the copy and paste dommes everywhere. Do we not know how to be original anymore, girlies? We are responsible for so many of the worlds inventions and accomplishments, and some of you can’t even not use Ai. C’mon now. Critical thinking babes.
The core is not, “fuck you, pay me.” It is: psychological control, devotion, ritual, humiliation, and status. “Your money symbolizes your submission and devotion.” Budgets and rules were set. Scheduled tributes, rituals, the obvious ownership dynamics. Of course, training, for those who needed it. Today’s findom is very public. The findom I was taught, researched myself, and have been doing since I was 19/20, was more intimate and personalized. The humiliation I practiced often centered around inadequacy, service/dependency, obsession, denial of access and emotional control.
The parts most emphasized were negotiation, limits, consent, financial boundaries, aftercare (which i see none of) and budget discussions (which i also don’t think seems to be happening sometimes). All of which, “content dommes” skip entirely. Before Twitter & TikTok mainstreamed it, long established BDSM communities often side eyed it as a more extreme niche kink. It blurs lines of reality and fantasy for some, becomes compulsive. And the obvious, involves real money. In BM dynamics, potentially real consequences.
The mentors I had, always made sure that I knew how “old school” findom was. It was never about greed, or fast money. It became an emotional dependency expressed through money for the submissive. It was about power, symbolism, and control. My favorite part about building *lasting* connections with submissives, is their sacrifice, obedience, reassurance. The willingness they have to prove that their focus is only you, that you are their priority, and that they feel safe enough to surrender autonomy to you.
Also, to state the obvious connection between findom and femdom:
The financial aspect was often just one aspect of expression of authority. Then you have the usual, chastity, service submission, FLRs, protocol, ownership and emotional conditioning. Obviously there are more.
Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.