u/throwawayUK2626

update as i’ve posted before - for some background to what’s been going on, for a number of years now i’ve been struggling with impulsive romantic feelings towards my dad and have developed a crush about him

i’m british, disabled, autistic too so i feel as if maybe some of my disabilities have an effect on why i feel this way.

last night i had a dream that we were getting married, i was in my perfect white dress and he was in a grey suit, held my hands and smiled at me with such warmness as we said vows and had a magical kiss, like sparks flying everywhere.

i woke up in a sweat with my heart racing, dreams like this have been occurring more often lately ):

it’s becoming really hard to cope with, i find myself getting jealous of my mother for being his wife, i saw my dad kiss her good morning today and i genuinely felt so angry, and then guilt for feeling that way.

i really wish i could be normal, this phase has been such a long time, i wanna grow out of it already.

rant for today over,

thanks for reading <3

update as i’ve posted before - for some background to what’s been going on, for a number of years now i’ve been struggling with impulsive romantic feelings towards my dad and have developed a crush about him

i’m british, disabled, autistic too so i feel as if maybe some of my disabilities have an effect on why i feel this way.

it’s getting harder since i sometimes have dreams where i’m married to him, wedding day, life with him etc and whenever i wake up i feel really gross.

it’s even made me start to feel resentment and jealousy towards my mother whenever i see them romantic towards eachother, kissing, hugging, the way they look at eachother and i hate that; i hate feeling so jealous because i love my mother so much and i don’t want this stupid phase to get in the way of that.

i really want these feelings to stop, i’ve never had a boyfriend before and i think maybe that is also a factor too, my dad is the only guy i actually interact with. my sister knows about my problem since we’re twins so she’s like my only friend and she has always said it’s a phase but it’s been years now.

i just see how he is as a husband and how he is as a father toward me and my sister and i just can’t help but find these traits of his attractive, even when i don’t want to!

i really need a way out of feeling like this, it’s consuming. any advice would be great,

thanks for reading

for context, i have autism and i’m British - for a very long time i’ve felt confused about having feelings for my father, he takes care of me so well and loves me so much and it gets confusing. though i feel as if it’s simply that i want someone who is like my dad, rather than him himself??

the guilt is killing me. never had a boyfriend, never kissed anyone, zero experience. my autism makes feelings messy and i’m lonely.

is my body just starved because i’m so repressed and inexperienced? or is there something weirder??

anyone else stuck with weird compulsive stuff like this? how do you stop? any advice would be great just wanna feel normal.

thanks for reading