Anxious about my feelings
Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting on Reddit but it seems like this group may be able to help me out. I am married for 7 years and 2 kids with I wife that I deeply love. For a couple of years now I have considered myself somewhat bicurious but have never had any experience with another man. I never have really thought about talking about it to anyone but lately I feel like I may have gotten a hint from my wife that she may suspect something.
I had gone out with one of my guy friends and she had asked me if she has anything that she needs to be concerned about, to which I reassured her nothing is going on. I initially thought that she may have thought I was out cheating with a woman but she then asked if I was cheating on her with my friend. I assured her nothing is going on and that I would never cheat on her. She then asked if I would tell her if it was a woman or a man or whatever I'm into. It kind of took me back as this is the first time she has ever mentioned something like this.
I now am having a really hard time with if I should bring up my feelings about men to my wife. Like many others on here I love her more than anything and have no intention of doing anything to break us apart. She isn't particularly a sexual person in nature and would be considered pretty "vanilla", even though we have brought toys into the bedroom a while ago. I am usually the one to bring up different fantasies and whenever I ask she says she doesn't have any. Things have slowed down sexually since the kids which is understandable however it makes it seem like now is a terrible time to bring anything like this up. We are both really busy and stressed with work and life and doesn't seem like I would be able to talk about this anytime soon.
The anxiety of this feels like it is ripping me apart and I am so scared to voice anything for fear of her leaving me. I have already scheduled an appointment with a therapist to help talk things through, but I have already found a lot of comfort in reading posts on this subreddit. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!