Fear of intimacy
Hello! Thought I'd try out here.
I'm a 23(almost 24)-year-old female, and I think I might have a fear of intimacy.
I've never even had a boyfriend or anything of sort, but I really really really want to. I've only ever had online relationships, but I want physical relationship. However, any time I get the rare opportunity to dip my toes into that territory, I get extremely anxious and bail. I love the idea of romance, but when it has a chance to turn real, I back off. A few months ago, I matched with a good guy on a dating app but said I wasn't ready.
And don't even get me started on sexual intimacy. That's even worse. I know I'm still young, but being a virgin sucks. I want to meet a caring soft dom, but it feels impossible, and I'm afraid no one would put up with my anxious ahh.
I'm not ugly, or anything, but I'm chubby in many places. I'm slowly learning to love myself, but still finding someone who wouldn't get put off by that is extremely hard (I live in Korea). I'm scared that I might meet a great guy and will self-sabotage because I'm terrified.
I genuinely don't know why that happens and how to fix it. I'm afraid that one day I'll quit trying and remain alone forever
Anyway, if you read it this far, sorry for the whining. Advice would be appreciated, but I mainly just wanted to put it somewhere.