r/DomSubMarriage

Hi, new here!

My wife and I just started to explore a dom/sub relationship as a married couple. Roles are, husband (me) Dom / wife (her) Sub. Looking for any insight into exploring this dynamic. She expressed interest in rules, protocol, structure etc. I would like to explore a workbook or list with an itinerary, some sort of structure plan that is written I can modify with maybe some reward/punishment examples. Any examples of existing guides is much appreciated!

Happy to be here!

The next few weeks we are going to be reviving some foundational topics that warrant a re-visit from time to time.

Aftercare is the pre-negotiated ritual completed after a scene or D/s interaction concludes. It's intended to reaffirm both spouses' consent and enthusiastic participation in what just happened, and to take immediate steps for any potential drop in either partner.

Drop is what happens when the endorphins and brain chemicals that surge during a scene suddenly dissipate, or "drop." It can show up physically right after (shaking, crying, chills, shock-like symptoms) or mentally, sometimes with delayed onset of hours or even days.

For submissive spouses, drop can often look like standard depression: loss of interest, withdrawal, crying.
For Dominant spouses, drop can often look like a shame spiral, negative self-talk, and/or isolation.

What does aftercare and drop support look like in your marriage? Things to think on as you answer:

Did you adapt something that you had already done as a vanilla married couple to suit D/s or did you complete something totally new?

Do you scale aftercare to the intensity of the scene?

How do you recognize drop in yourself or your spouse, and what do you do about it?

If you don't do aftercare or have never experienced drop... please still read the thread and learn from others' experience. No need to comment that the question doesn't apply to you.