Lesson for the lesser men
I know it has to suck being inferior to real men, but you exist to serve and I have been getting quite frustrated with the poor service I've been getting lately.
Went to the bath house and there were a few guys that were watching me do my usual two fist stroking and they offered their mouths and hands to help me out in the sauna. None of them were useful. I think it's because you have such a pitiful little lump of flesh that you don't understand how a real man gets pleasure, so I'll enlighten you.
First off, real men don't use two fingers or hump a pillow to jerk off so don't even start with what you use to tickle your tiny pickle. It doesn't work. You'll notice when you're using two fingers to try to pleasure yourself that there is so little length that the motion you use comes from your wrist. That won't cut it with a real man. Lock your wrist and move from your elbow. Use your whole fist, better yet, both fists. Slower strokes are better, it shouldn't look like a blur. Pay attention to the real man and don't get all dickmatized.
Lastly, when you're trying to suck a real dick, don't go straight for deep throating. Your entire "erection" and balls might fit comfortably in someone's mouth and still let them talk, but a real dick is not like yours. Trying to take it all the way to the base is not always possible and it fucking hurts. I have no desire to fuck a brick wall when it hits the back of your throat and won't go down. Don't be a hero and suck what fits comfortably in your mouth. Use your fist on the base. No one wants to get puked on. (Well, I'm sure there are some into that, but not the majority of people) Again, pay attention to what's going on. Watch your teeth and don't just suck the head like a lollipop and get it over sensitive.
Your role as a lesser man is to serve and you need to step up your game.