I’m 23, married with a child. I am Native American so I have access to an IHS which is pretty strict about prescribing narcotics but it’s not impossible. I know many people who are prescribed Xanax and Valium by doctors at this clinic.
I turned 18 during Covid. Before, during and after I had started having some serious mental health issues (mostly anxiety and depression). My parents got me into therapy and I tried 3-4 different therapists but I never stuck with it
Around that time I started to self medicate with different drugs but my favorites were weed and percocets but over the course of the next few years I tried pretty much every drug I had access to. I was very honest with one specific therapist (who also had a history of substance abuse) and so I know that my chart will show that I’ve abused drugs, specifically prescription drugs.
I’m including this to show that there’s surely chart records of my substance abuse issues but that was back in 2020-2021 that it was documented.
Around that time I was diagnosed with PTSD and Bi-Polar disorder. I also believe I struggle with just general anxiety that can sometimes become somewhat debilitating when I’m having panic attacks.
I have since worked very hard to find ways to deal with trauma and develop healthy coping mechanisms. I exercise and do my best to eat well which helps me not feel as bad as I used to. I’ve worked hard to shift my perspective so things don’t feel like my world is exploding with every little setback.
A couple years back I started experimenting with benzos because of my panic attacks and it really helps. It was the first drug I’ve ever tried that I didn’t take uncontrollably to the point where it caused problems in my life. I can take .5mg-1mg of a Xanax when I’m having a panic attack and stick to just that, and Valium is very similar. I take it as if it were prescribed to me. At first I was buying them off the streets but that quickly got to be too expensive so I started ordering them. Buying them illegally is too expensive and too inconsistent and it feels like it would really benefit me to have a prescription.
Which brings me to my question, what is the best way for me to go about getting a prescription with my history? Should I try to see a therapist again and work my way through the ssri’s? Should I be completely honest with them about the fact that I’ve been buying them illegally and it works really well for me. My IHS clinic also has a MAT clinic so should I go that route?
I have health insurance so should I try a private practice or even an online doctor?
I just need an outside opinion even if it’s just that I’m screwed.