today is puppys birthday ^^ hanged out with friends a little and had a lil fun but half of family hasnt even said happy birthday, and quite a few friends it had plans with arent doing anything with them now apparently, trying to enjoy my time but just wish i had someone special to enjoy it with, i feel like im unable to be happy for myself and enjoy personal things almost
I have a friend who for many months went after me in a romantic sense but I always denied them because well I felt it wasn't right but looking back I think I was mostly just scared and fearful of being hurt again, this friend now has a gf and I'm happy for them but I see there posts together sfw and nsfw and it does make me feel not jealous in a I wish that was me way or anything but in a way of I wish I had that. I wish I was capable of that almost, I know I can be loved I think atleast and I know for sure I can love back but, I love very intensely and I'm mentally ill so I'm extremely needy and I'm sosososo scared of not only being hurt again like all the times in the past but also feeling like whoever I love isn't enough for me, and my many needs and wants I have, and I'm scared of where that could lead, and I'm scared of what will happen if I get hurt again and I'm scared of hurting someone else to, I feel I'm at a wall with 100's of doors but all but one leads to the same outcome, just a different journey. I just want to be happy and loved and love another but I'm scared I'm maybe to broken to have someone able to love me in the way I need to actually we'll find anyone capable of it. And even if they are capable of it, I'm scared I won't be willing to receive it. I just don't know what to do 3:
Puppy hasn't touched its part in 3 days.. gonna try to go for another 4 or 5 days, this is the longest it's gone without in yeaaars woof.. does puppy get. A reward?? Wags tail