u/Bublebito

Literally, the Vyvanse finally kicked in with a delay! The pregabalin has settled in nicely too... my vision is so blurry and I have to go see a girl in this state; I'm burning up and having a hell of a time moving lol. I'm listening to Feel Good Inc and I feel like I'm joining the angels of peace with this track. Fatigue is peacefully washing over me and the world is starting to spin; that blurry haze is keeping me from seeing the universe clearly. I'm starting to coexist with spirits; my hands are tingling and my heart is burning like never before I never should've dropped that much, but oh well.

I’ve been taking prescription stimulants for six years first Ritalin for five years, then Vyvanse for the last six months. I’ve been misusing them for a year or two now; it started with Ritalin, where I’d far exceed the recommended doses by changing the route of administration (taking up to 300mg).

I was recently prescribed Vyvanse, but it seems less effective for my ADHD than Ritalin, so I mostly use it recreationally (100mg+).

This led me to other substances like coke, cathinones, cannabis, tramadol, pregabalin, etc. I developed a real passion for drugs in general, doing extensive research on dosages, pharmacology, interactions, and so on. Drugs have become a part of my vocabulary and my personality.

It changed my perspective on a lot of things and forced me to mature in a rather pessimistic way. My abuse happens in phases; I don’t feel any specific cravings or obsession when I don’t have the stuff on hand.

I might go on a week-long binge and turn into a total wreck, but I can also stop for a month without withdrawal symptoms though I do feel compelled to compensate with cigarettes and energy drinks.

Stimulants have helped me a lot socially, academically, and behaviorally, but they’ve also taken a physical toll and triggered delusions or psychotic episodes. They’re part of my life, and I don’t feel the need to give them up, even though I think I could if I wanted to. It’s also very hard to stick to the right dosage when I get a monthly prescription and have access to them for next to nothing.

At first, stimulants were great I used them to work and perform socially but over the last few months, I’ve lost that productivity; now, my "highs" just consist of blasting music at full volume and chain-smoking. I’m not really sure what to make of it; I’m afraid to talk to my therapist about it, and I don’t know if it’s good for me.

I’ve been taking prescription stimulants for six years first Ritalin for five years, then Vyvanse for the last six months. I’ve been misusing them for a year or two now; it started with Ritalin, where I’d far exceed the recommended doses by changing the route of administration (taking up to 300mg).

I was recently prescribed Vyvanse, but it seems less effective for my ADHD than Ritalin, so I mostly use it recreationally (100mg+).

This led me to other substances like coke, cathinones, cannabis, tramadol, pregabalin, etc. I developed a real passion for drugs in general, doing extensive research on dosages, pharmacology, interactions, and so on. Drugs have become a part of my vocabulary and my personality.

It changed my perspective on a lot of things and forced me to mature in a rather pessimistic way. My abuse happens in phases; I don’t feel any specific cravings or obsession when I don’t have the stuff on hand.

I might go on a week-long binge and turn into a total wreck, but I can also stop for a month without withdrawal symptoms though I do feel compelled to compensate with cigarettes and energy drinks.

Stimulants have helped me a lot socially, academically, and behaviorally, but they’ve also taken a physical toll and triggered delusions or psychotic episodes. They’re part of my life, and I don’t feel the need to give them up, even though I think I could if I wanted to. It’s also very hard to stick to the right dosage when I get a monthly prescription and have access to them for next to nothing.

At first, stimulants were great I used them to work and perform socially but over the last few months, I’ve lost that productivity; now, my "highs" just consist of blasting music at full volume and chain-smoking. I’m not really sure what to make of it; I’m afraid to talk to my therapist about it, and I don’t know if it’s good for me.

You read the title correctly. I do not believe in a traditional God like Christians, Jews (JEWS!JEWS!JEWS!), or Muslims do, but I am not ashamed to state that there exists a form of superior, spiritual entity that expresses itself deep within each of us.

Let us start from the premise that we are nature and nature is within us; we are part of a WHOLE. We complement the universe, and the universe complements us; in this sense... we *are* the simulation in which we believe we are playing out our lives. We are simulated versions of ourselves expressing ourselves within another simulation one conceived by our brain, which in turn depends on an external, simulated dimension.

In short, the entirety of psychiatric and neurodevelopmental disorders (ADHD, BPD, schizophrenia, psychosis, etc.) are products of our imagination. Everyone is neurodivergent; however, there are those who escape the simulation's norms imposed by highly intelligent humans to satisfy their thirst for power (governments, presidents, the state) and control and those who remain subject to the various norms and artificial constructs of the simulation. These constructs disrupt our naturally stable waves, rendering them unstable and wrecking us.

When you experience psychosis for instance, a drug-induced one (from stimulant abuse) I do not hesitate to say that it is an opening into another reality or dimension, one no less real than what you are currently experiencing. Yet, you are made to believe you are insane because you have managed to break free from the chaotic, wave-based stability to which the government *wants* to conform you.

Thus, God, God being the Whole, or your very self has set this trial before you. Consider the example of a cat perceiving color spectrums that we humans cannot see (such as infrared light in the dark). From the outside, you see the cat interacting with an environment that exists but which you do not perceive just as ants do not perceive the vastness of a human being... and *we* do not perceive the grandeur of the UNIVERSE!!!!

It is all a matter of scale; psychosis measures whether you can handle reaching new stages of consciousness and reality. It doesn't happen to you by chance; it is a challenge to see if you truly deserve to be super-conscious we learn far more through suffering than through comfort.

Drugs aren't illegal because they are dangerous; the state and modern medicine do not care about your distress. They simply want to stop you from seeing something else not necessarily "truths," but the capacity to escape a world that has conditioned you. So, they marginalize you to demonize consumption and spiritual awakening.

Therein lies God's test the limit you have mentally imposed upon yourself. So... do you want to be among those who believe, or those who see? Something to think about.

(I am neither psychotic nor suicidal, and I don't have a manifesto.pdf on my PC; I stopped taking stimulants two weeks ago.)

I stopped taking stims two weeks ago because I went on a trip to Japan. I've been dealing with recurring insomnia and cravings ever since, but right now I've got this burst of energy in the middle of the night it feels just like a stimulant high, I SWEAR!!!! I love it haha 👏🔥🔥

I messaged all my mates because at 2:06 AM I remembered a French track from 2022; I immediately put it on loop and, until about 3:10 AM, I reposted like forty TikToks featuring it. I also took tons of screenshots of the sped-up and slooooowwww moootionnnnnn versions of the song, plus remixes, and sent them to girls I was chatting with haha. Fuck, I wish I could get up and dance with my AirPods in to "Feel It Still" by Portugal. The Man, but there are other people in this room 😭😔👍🫡👏.

So... I'm trying to channel that energy. Maybe picking up nicotine again after a five-day break is keeping me awake, sure, but it's also motivating me to do things like take a shower. I hope I won't regret this tomorrow 😳🔥

MUSIC IS A STIMULANT ⬆️⬆️⬆️UP!UP!UP!

My sleep schedule is completely wrecked; I’m getting a maximum of four hours a night and only falling asleep in the morning.

Last night, I had four or five dreams rolled into one maybe one per hour and I remember every single one. The first was pretty typical for someone quitting drugs: I dreamt about trying LSD, even though I’d sworn just two days earlier that I’d never touch the stuff. But what my brain cooked up was so wild that now I actually want to try it. Then I dreamt that a girl I’d hooked up with was cheating on me with my best friend! A premonition...?!

The last two dreams were the weirdest: first, a foot fetish fantasy exploded into reality I was literally devouring my female friend's feet; they tasted delicious but bitter and salty. Finally, I dreamt I was smoking since I’m quitting tobacco (reluctantly) but the cigarette had no throat hit and no nicotine. The more I smoked, the more the tobacco vanished, leaving me craving the sensation. I’d either stolen them from my friend or he’d given them to me, and I totally get why he was so generous with them, seeing as the cigarettes were absolutely disgusting.

I’m in Japan right now and I’m going to buy 20 or 40 BuzzBalls to bring back to France and get wasted on just to see how many I can handle. Here, a 200ml bottle is about $2, compared to $8 or $9 in Paris!!!

I took a two-week break from stimulants, then went on a three-day binge; I’ve been on vacation abroad for ten days now, with no cigarettes and no access to stimulants since I left. I find myself craving all sorts of things; I’m maxing out on caffeine, but it either makes me sleepy or over-excited it’s paradoxical.

I’m obsessed with my phone, getting into weird mindsets, and I feel like my libido is exploding. I’m obsessing maniacally over a girl I met three weeks ago someone I thought was the love of my life though in the end, it might just be idealization morphing into pure lust. I’m losing my inhibitions more and more, and I feel a kind of nervous tension building up—like something in my body is bothering me; maybe my ADHD is really taking over again.

I’m craving weird stuff things that didn't interest me before when I was content with speed, coke, Vyvanse, or Ritalin but now I have urges to get meth or Oxy as soon as I get back just to try them. I’m also developing a strange relationship with myself; I’m obsessed with my appearance and tend to think I look extremely ugly to the point where I wash my hands several times a day. Usually, I know I do well with girls and that I’m not actually that ugly, but right now, I feel so alone on the other side of the world...

My fetishes are also going into overdrive; I find myself reacting strongly to TikToks or targeted posts that focus on specific body parts like hands, or teeth and mouths. I don't know if I'm losing it; I just have this restless itch inside me.

I’ve been taking ADHD stimulants for years, and I’ve fallen in love with Vyvanse and Ritalin. I’ve tried other stimulants cathinones, coke, speed (even pharma-grade), and quite a few research chemicals but I keep coming back to the first two, and at excessively high doses. Whenever I go on a binge, I go through an initial phase of intense euphoria; I have a high tolerance for MPH and a moderate tolerance for Vyvanse, though my tolerance for amphetamines in general is high. In short, I’ve been using stimulants for years and I’m used to it. But invariably, after the wave of euphoria passes, I spend an hour or longer in hell.

I get pins and needles all over, my heart rate shoots past 150 bpm, my hands cramp up, my head feels like it’s boiling, and I can’t even stand up without risking a dizzying drop in blood pressure. Very often, anxiety takes over the pleasure of the high, making me feel like I’m on the verge of a stroke or cardiac arrest. I’ve posted about this before, but a few months ago, during an amphetamine-induced psychosis, I literally felt like I was dead; my body was in such agony that it simply shut down all my sensations and senses, including the sense of touch.

Over time, I’ve learned to transform these strange, terrifying sensations into part of the trip itself a challenge to overcome that can even become enjoyable if you intellectualize it. You might think stimulants just aren't for me, but even when I take downers, my subconscious keeps me awake out of fear that I’ll stop breathing.

It’s strange.

So, yesterday morning I took 110mg of Vyvanse in two doses: first 80mg at 8:30 AM, then I took another 30mg at 10:30 AM. I smoked two packs of cigarettes throughout the day, drank coffee, and took 20mg of extended-release Ritalin around 5:00 PM. I had a panic attack between 3:00 and 4:00 PM and lost all the euphoria from the Vyvanse, so to help me sleep that night, I took about 100–150mg of Lyrica at 3:30 AM (I have no tolerance). I only slept for two hours; it's now noon, and to relax or get to sleep, I'm debating whether to take 60–90mg of codeine (no tolerance) or 70mg of tramadol (though I think there's a major risk when combined with amphetamines), or otherwise, I was thinking about taking more pregabalin. I'm not sure if there's a risk of a major interaction.

I just got back from a trip abroad with my buddies, and while I was there, I met a girl who was the same age and nationality as me. I should mention that during this trip, I was going through withdrawal from stimulants (Vyvanse, speed, Ritalin, coke) a three week process. So, aside from cigarettes and a little alcohol, I barely consumed anything else during those two weeks.

At first, she and her group of girlfriends didn't like me. It was the early days of my withdrawal; I was anxious, disinhibited, and a bit paranoid. I couldn't sleep, and most importantly I was projecting an image of myself as hyperactive, nonchalant, and very arrogant. I’ve written a lot about this, but stimulants used to trap me in toxic relationships with girls where I’d behave badly and only hang out with girls who had no self-respect. Yet, that’s where I ran into *her*. Because of my neurodivergence, it’s incredibly hard for me to act "normal" without coming across as weird when I’m sober.

But guess what? She really opened me up. I was heading to bed when she invited me to chat under the stars around midnight, and we didn't part ways until 4 a.m. We had incredible conversations the kind you’d have with a best friend you’ve known for ten years. We talked about life, its meaning, death, politics, sociology, philosophy... It was one of those rare times I felt I could truly be myself; I was at ease without needing chemical help to lower my inhibitions.

I actually suspect she has ADHD, though that’s a minor detail. We also got really close physically over the last few days even sleeping in each other's arms. And guess what? I felt an incredible rush of love far more intense than hundreds of milligrams of Vyvanse, MDMA pills, or that warm glow from Tramadol.

It actually made me want to get sober, because I realized that this is how I interact in the most honest and genuine way possible. It’s what makes people love me for who I am rather than the persona I adopt on stimulants, where I bruise women's egos just to boost attraction. But love is about sharing between two authentic beings; it has nothing to do with simply chasing someone who looks down on you just for your own gratification. That’s how you end up clinging to a dysfunctional dynamic rather than a real person.

When we finally parted ways, I realized that everything in life follows the same pattern as drug use. I was overwhelmed by a sense of sadness and despair that, in terms of raw feeling, was even worse than an MDMA comedown. Love lies in connection, but also in a kind of longing that needs to be managed healthily much like drugs, and stimulants specifically. It stops being about voluntary consumption and becomes about filling a void. Going through withdrawal showed me that my full potential while sober is the best version of me purely me whereas stimulants create a counterfeit version of love, where the craving for a girl feels exactly like the craving for a line of speed.

I got my hands on some Lyrica/pregab, and I've just come off a three week break from stimulants; I just redosed 120mg of Vyvanse and am hitting the peak. I have no tolerance to pregabalin and have never taken it before; I'm thinking of taking 150mg all at once. Is it suitable, or is there a risk it might be too strong? Especially in a blend?

I got my hands on some Lyrica/pregab, and I've just come off a three week break from stimulants; I just redosed 120mg of Vyvanse and am hitting the peak. I have no tolerance to pregabalin and have never taken it before; I'm thinking of taking 150mg all at once. Is it suitable, or is there a risk it might be too strong? Especially in a blend?

Stimulants have a real tendency to mess with my libido and dampen my sexual desire a bit. So, as soon as I stop, I get this sort of rebound effect; I’m a straight man, but I realize it gets almost awkward—when I quit, I have a huge urge to masturbate and I’m much more inclined to talk about sex with women my age or make a move. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad one, but it bothers me a little not to have a middle ground and to have such an erratic libido; it gives me an image I’m not too happy with, especially right now while I’m trying to quit stimulants.

I was on 140mg high dose and I smoked some weed to calm down a bit, and then this girl called me for a "date." She totally clocked that I wasn't sober, and I think I acted like a complete idiot; I crashed right in the middle of the date, which was happening in the middle of the night. In the end, she didn't even want me to walk her home. I hate myself for it; I'm so fucking sad look at what drugs do... I really acted like an asshole, and now this shit won't leave my system. It's 7 a.m. and I can't fucking sleep, even though I started 20 hours ago.

I took 140 mg plus a bit of speed; the first two hours were amazing, even though my Vyvanse high basically just consists of tidying my room, putting in my AirPods, blasting music on the couch, and chain-smoking. That was about 7 hours ago, but I took some L-tyrosine during the peak and it triggered a bad reaction it got really unpleasant. I started getting anxious, my vision went blurry and doubled, and I got dizzy. Still, I’ve got the body high and I feel okay despite some pretty nasty physical symptoms. Now this shit is just annoying; it’s messing me up I feel like a total moron, I can't sleep or eat, and you're telling me I'm only halfway through??? 😭😭😭 Like, fuck, man, just chill and get out of my system. I've had enough; you're freaking me out, and I look so weird around the people close to me plus, I'm so drowsy.

I have ADHD and a mid tolerance to amphetamines; I took 120mg of Vyvanse 5 hours ago. Since the peak about 2 hours ago, I’ve been wiped out still euphoric and feeling good, but I’m having trouble catching my breath, my heart rate is 110, I have some double vision, and I feel dizzy when I stand up, like I’ve been drinking. I should also mention that I added some L-tyrosine and L-theanine during the high and smoked a bit. I’m thinking about smoking some weed tonight in hopes of getting to sleep. I also have an ear infection that was making me dizzy before the Vyvanse, but it seems worse now. That said, 6 hours later, I can still really feel the high, though I have a tingling sensation in my hands and arms.

I don't have much to add; I’m kicking myself so hard for overdoing it with Ritalin and romanticizing it without ever trying Vyvanse. I only took 120mg, and as I hit the peak, I’m in heaven seriously, this stuff is BETTER THAN MDMA. I mean that it’s so much more stable and feels divinely smooth. It calms my ADHD and makes me feel so empathetic, with this insane body high; I’m buzzing, my body is absolutely SEETHING with energy.

I’ve got this warmth in my legs, my head is spinning but in a really pleasant way, and my surroundings feel like they’re floating. The only way to describe it is that I’m on cloud nine, totally relaxed; it actually made me want to go outside, hand spare change to the homeless, or share my cigarettes with strangers. It’s such a calm euphoria the mental noise goes quiet, everything becomes orderly and neat, the world looks more beautiful, colors are more vivid, and the sun’s heat which used to burn me now caresses me like an angel’s hand. I’m in total ecstasy; I feel like a Shaolin monk at peace with himself, in a state of profound, stoic serenity with the entire universe. I’m listening to "Nightcall" by Kavinsky and it’s making me feel poetic FUUUUCK, like: *I drive.*

It's a bit like being drunk, but without the alcohol-induced blurriness. I don't feel like throwing up, but I'm getting intense waves and visual distortions; I took 120mg though I should mention I have an ear infection, so my head was already spinning a bit even while sober for the past two days. But right now, I just can't get up.

Does anyone have experience with NEP? My buddy tried it and went into a full blown psychosis, but now he says he can't live without it and that it gives him insane self-confidence and social skills! Then again, I hear the comedowns are horrible I'd like to give it a try.

Tomorrow morning, I'm probably going to take like 100–120 mg of Vyvanse, maybe even more. So, what happens if I mix it with weed? Is it any good? Mixing weed and Ritalin was cool, but I'm wondering about Vyvanse; last time I mixed Vyvanse, weed, and alcohol, I didn't really feel the amphetamines because I was totally glued to the floor and just... out in space.