[PI] Stuck in a timeloop, she fills her days seducing all the married men in her town, knowing that even if they get discovered, no one will remember it on the next loop.
“Hey, do you want to fuck me” had worked on a dispiritingly high number of the married men of Chicory Bay. For so easily disrespecting their marriage vows, those men were one and dones. Maybe in another hundred years if she was getting bored she’d give some of them another go. Except Clark. Clark had the biggest cock in town and Ashlee had indulgenced herself a few more times with him.
Others had required a little more work, but only a little: walking into their home or place of business naked did it. Even though that method had worked on Roger, she’d had to refine it a bit over a couple of weeks as the cop had been called to the diner and she’d spent some August 20ths in the town lock-up because of it.
“I’ll have another coffee, Roger,” she said. This Roger, today’s Roger, had never fucked her. Unless you count charging her $5 for a goddamn cup of drip coffee, in which case Roger had fucked her more times than anyone else in town. Over the last decade she had gotten a coffee at Roger’s Diner every morning because Nestor had coffee at Roger’s Diner every morning, or at least every August 20, 2026, which was the same thing. Nestor was the last of the third category of Chicory Bay husbands, those where actual seduction was required. He was unique because, in all this time, he was the only one Ashley had not seduced.
Ashley starred at Nestor, although by this time she had memorized every little detail of his stupid face. He wasn’t even that attractive. Neither was his wife Jane. He had a boring job and a boring kid and a boring sex life. Yes, a boring sex life. Before her seduce every married man in town plan, one of the things Ashlee had occupied herself with was see how rich she could get. She had used short-dated Moderna options or Gary Woodland betting proceeds to buy high-tech surveillance gear on a couple of occasions. Between 10:37 and 10:39 PM tonight, Nestor and Jane would have missionary sex and then both go to sleep. She’d watch them sleep until 11:59 PM at which point she had woken up to that stupid fucking iPhone alarm.
The hunt wasn’t even fun anymore. Now Greg, Greg had been interesting. Greg had been a real contest. Unlike Jane, Greg’s wife Isabella was a real smokeshow. She had also been Ashlee’s high-school bully. Isabella was the only person Ashlee had ever killed. It hadn’t felt good in the moment or afterwards and Ashlee had never tried anything like that again. She’d even sent flowers, anonymously, to Isabella for a few years afterwards. Isabella was so much better looking than her the challenge had felt appropriate. After getting all of Greg’s ex-girlfriends drunk and plying them for information, she’d discovered that Greg had a clown fetish. It had taken a lot of different iterations and work but eventually her big red nose was nestled in Greg’s pubes as he pushed her multicolored-wigged head down on his dick.
Greg stonewalling her made sense. Not Nestor. Not boring Nestor. She’d hacked his computer and obsessively poured over every detail of his digital history. That had been the key to Karl. While Karl seemed devoted to his wife and had endlessly rebuffed her, she’d discovered he was also still obsessed with Madison. Madison, the one that got away. For $10,000.00, Madison had been willing to have a threesome with her and Karl. She’d had to redo that one as Karl had been so focused on Madison the first time that it wasn’t enough for her to check the seduction box in her head.
Threesomes had been the key to many non-Karls as well. A couple with Madison, after all, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it and some with randoms from the bar. Isaac had been a tough nut to crack until Ashlee realized that Esther was interested in her. A few months mastering eating pussy and Isaac fell through Esther. Offers of a threesome hadn’t worked for Bob, but a foursome did; she’d recruited two blondes from Chicory Bay Community College, donned a blonde-wig herself, same shop as a clown-wig, and propositioned him on his way home from work.
Neither Nestor nor Jane were interested in a threesome.
She’d pretended to love model trains for Bryan, Warhammer: 40,000 for Bradley and disc golf for Ben. Nestor didn’t even have any boring hobbies that she could bat her eyes while asking to be explained at for hours. Nestor liked baseball, but Jane also liked baseball so there was no opening to talk about baseball. Also, most people in Chicory Bay liked baseball.
She’d pegged Peter, twice actually as his wife had walked in on them the first go-around. Damian liked having his ass eaten. None of that for Nestor. Marcus was closeted, but wasn’t interested in getting pegged. Dirty talk had been enough for him. Nestor was 100% straight.
Ashlee was filled with rage. Nestor, boring balding Nestor, was spite-ing her. She could’ve moved on to reading all of the great works of literature. Or teaching herself every human language. But she had been derailed on her quest to get railed by him. Roger had brought over her coffee by this point and she knocked it to the ground. She stormed over to Nestor, who was now staring at her at this point along with everyone else in the diner.
“Why won’t you fuck me!” Ashlee demanded. “Also, the Mariners lose today.”
Nestor blinked at her in confusion.
“I’m hotter than Jane. I’m wearing your favorite color. I cut my hair the way you like it. I have your favorite perfume on. Why won’t you fucking fuck me?”
“The Mariners lose?”
“Yeah 4-7. Why won’t you fuck me?”
“I’m confused about what’s happening right now. Very confused. Like I turned into a TV show midway through.” Nestor motioned for her to sit down. “It’s Ashlee, right? Ashlee, I know Jane isn’t going to win any beauty pageants. But to me, she’s the most beautiful woman in the entire world. Her mouth crinkles when she smiles. She’s always buying too much spinach and it goes bad. She won’t kill the mice in our house, but takes them down to the quarry when she catches them. One day, we’ll both be old and grey and I’ll still love her just as much as I do now.”
Ashlee deflated. “Well fuck. I guess I lose. I’ll be at library, checking out Dostoevsky.”
As she exited, Nestor returned to his paper. “I wonder if she’s right about the Mariners,” he mused to himself.