u/Certain-Speed7177

​So, I’ve been off opioids for a short time now. I wasn’t a heavy abuser, but over the last 6 to 12 months, I took something every day. Oxy was my favorite, but I also used DHC, Tilidin, etc.

​I’m finally over the worst of the withdrawal, but now I don’t know what to do with myself. I took a week off work starting last Monday specifically to get clean, stay sober, and get back to a normal routine...hitting the gym, eating healthy, and all that.

​Then, two days before my vacation, my car broke down, and it’s going to take two weeks to get it fixed. On top of that, the weather has been terrible, so even going for a walk isn’t nice.

​I really haven't enjoyed this time off at all. With only three days left before I have to go back to work, I feel defeated. I was so hyped for this vacation, but it turned out to be super lame and boring. All I’ve done is watch YouTube or make music, but even music - my favorite hobby - isn't any fun right now.

​To be honest, I would have loved to just be zoned out the whole time.

​What do you guys do when you’re trying to get sober? Nothing feels fun right now. Everything is just boring.

And the whole car situation makes me even angrier - why did it have to break down right before my vacation? Come on... Trapped inside my house basically

Alright hear me out. Everyone talks about the mental side of cutting back, but nobody talks about the absolute exorcism that happens on the toilet.

My withdrawals haven't even been that bad, but my gut? Staging a violent revolution.

I spent 20 minutes pinned to the porcelain, cold sweating, having crazy cramps, and genuinely wondering if I was about to die on the throne.

Then the dam finally breaks. You feel your soul leave your body as you pass a solid brick that’s been sitting in your gut for the last 3 months.

I swear to god, that instant pressure release and the sheer relief right after is almost as good as the high itself. It’s painful, but hands down the best shit I’ve ever taken in my life.

Anyone else know this exact feeling? The first real shit after a long time of opioid abuse?

​So, I basically first started with Kratom. (I've done almost every relevant drug you can do since I was 17). I'm now 27 years old. German dude here.

​After years of party drugs like speed, cocaine, and MDMA, I met a dude who gave me this green pill after a two-day party. I felt super, super chilled and so fucking comfortable just laying on the ground. It was bromazolam, a pretty strong benzo.

​Alright, so then I started taking "medicine" more often. I always told myself, "The pharma industry is the devil." I took so many benzos that I blacked out regularly. I even lost my car once, called the police, and eventually found it just two streets away. I also get really, really angry on benzos. I'm pretty sure I once bashed someone with a baseball bat or so because I got a weird call from some arab dude and he was like "What have you done , bla bla I will find you and blow myself up". Never heard from that dude again. But I had this baseball bat in my apartment so that's why I assume i did something with it.

After benzos, I tried Tilidin for the first time.

Meh... It was okay, but I felt nauseous. My friend - the same dude who gave me the bromazolam - gave me promethazine for the nausea, and it actually helped!

Now let's go back around one year. I started taking Tilidin more often, then switched to dihydrocodeine (DHC), which was the non plus ultra. For around half a year, I took it very, very regularly. Then we ran out of DHC and needed to brew some more stuff. Morphine wasn't really my thing, and Tilidin was waaaay too much effort to turn into syrup and extract from the naloxone and other stuff.

​So​, we took oxys. Holy moly. 125 mg of promethazine and 80 mg of Oxy in 100 ml of home - brewed lean. That shit was so, so good. But for a year now, I’ve felt sick almost all the time. I had no clue that I was actually experiencing withdrawals the whole time!

​So I tried to stop taking this shit. Twice. But I always went back to it.

​Now it's the third time trying to quit. I feel like I can actually do it now. I started hitting the gym again, and it’s been almost a week since I last took anything, which is the longest I've gone. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a Tweaker. I just took my shit too regularly.

I had, and still have (at a new job), a pretty good career. I have a girlfriend and a good family. I still don't know why I like that warm feeling from the home - brewed lean so much. I take so much that I almost pass out, and that's the fucking feeling I like.

There are no drugs that ever gave me that feeling!

​So, I still want to get high sometimes, but no hard opioids anymore... I bought some Kratom just for when the "I want opioids" really kick in. But Kratom isn't really it. Nauseous 8/10 all the time.

​At the moment, I'm taking Alprazolam to fight the withdrawals. Alprazolam makes me super lazy, though, and I hate that feeling. I can basically get every drug I want - there is no drug I couldn't get - so what would be a good alternative to opioids?

I bet there aren't any I should just stop taking any shit right? :)