I Had a 63 Body Count Before 19 and I Think I Grew Up Too Fast
I got a slutty confession but it’s kinda dark too.
By the time I was about to be 19, my body count was 63. And I know people are gonna judge that number, but honestly I feel like I was groomed to be fast before I even understood what being fast really meant.
My mom always made grown attention feel normal. Like looking sexy, being wanted, being desired, having men notice me… it was treated like power. So I grew up thinking my value was tied to being pretty, tempting and wanted. I didn’t really get protected from adult energy, I got pushed toward it.
Fast forward to 18 I started exotic dancing and that made it worse because now I was getting paid to be desired. I liked the attention, the money, the feeling of being chosen, the control. But looking back, I was still a young girl playing grown woman way too early.
I’m not saying I hate myself. I still have a slutty side and I’m not ashamed of being sexual. But I do think a lot of it came from being raised to think male attention meant power, love or worth.
So yeah… 63 before 19. Exotic dancing at 18. Way too grown way too early. And sometimes I wonder if I was really a slut or just a girl who was taught that being wanted was the closest thing to being loved.