Do I have too much ego to enjoy hypnosis here ?
I love hypnosis, the anticipation, the rush of excitement when the scene begins, that moment of intense concentration where nothing exists anymore except surrendering to pleasure, the variety of sensations caused by different triggers: pleasure, snaps, throb, clench, ache, squirm, and more. Different hypnotists here have given me a large number of HFOs, to the point where the most effective tracks sometimes make me come too early, before the final rush and the burst trigger.
But the moment the hypnotist starts positioning themselves as superior to me, I tense up. The moment I hear "you love to be controlled", "you love to submit", "you're my pet / slut / toy / plaything", "you're going to be mine and only mine", I snap out of trance almost immediately. If I wasn't aroused enough yet, I just stop the track entirely.
I don't love to be "controlled", I love to "feel", and the hypnotist is just the provider giving me all those peculiar sensations in the moment. I'm not going to pledge allegiance and mentally enslave myself to the triggers of someone I don't know, whose real motivations are completely unknown to me. Even more so when part of what is said is clear, but another part, the layers, is sometimes totally inaudible, bombarding my subconscious with suggestions without me knowing what's actually getting in (unfortunately I also love layers, they multiply my arousal tenfold).
I've read a few things about "building agency" in the context of hypnosis, but it makes me feel defensive, whereas for hypnosis to work it requires a solid foundation of trust. Anyway, this was simply my heartfelt rant about a kink I love, but which, the way it's currently offered, doesn't give me what I'm actually looking for.