Addicted to my son
I'm 45 and my son is 23. After my divorce, I was feeling very hopeless and abandoned because I'm immigrant and married young and have always been a housewife. My son moved home after college. During this time, I became ill and my son took care of me including intimate things like help me to bathe and use the toilet. We were always close but this illness made us even closer and I knew I was developing feelings for him beyond just normal motherly feelings. It was loneliness and vulnerable, but also real attraction.
One night he suggested I try marijuana to help ease some pain I had. We smoked together and watched TV on the sofa. Being high was cosy and I snuggled close to him and he stroked my hair which made me even more warm toward him. It started as a playful joke when he kissed me but turned into a real kiss. We paused and I thought it would stop but both of us kept going with kissing and touching. I felt dizzy and excited and just let myself swim in his warmth. I ended up sucking his dick under the blanket we were sharing. Strangely, I felt like if the blanket was covering me and he couldn't see me, then it was okay.
The next day was full of anxiety for me, but when he came home from work we both just were at ease and natural again. That night he came to my room and we smoked and cuddled and I wondered if he wanted more, because I did. When he told me he had bought condoms, it was so matter of fact that we just laugh at the absurdity of it.
This went on for about 2 months. During the day we were normal, not talking about what we did, almost like pretending that nothing happening. He never made a big deal about it and I tried to stay as lighthearted as I could. At night it was almost a routine, smoke and talk and have sex. We became very comfortable with each other to where I could relax enough to ask for things which I used to enjoy with my husband. It felt shameful at first to ask but he put me at ease and made it feel like normal.
He left me to visit his father last month and I was in despair. I switched between hating what we did and just craving his touch again. He came home last week and we went right back to being lovers. Maybe I even was to starved for him because he laughing told me I was wearing him out. It was a joke, but also not a joke and I have tried not to be so smothering.
He left Friday to spend the weekend on the coast with old friends. I couldn't sleep and stayed up all night reading Reddit and trying to get my thoughts together so I started writing. I don't want this to stop and I am scared he will end things eventually. My craving is so high with him I sometimes feel out of control. I have anxiety about being alone but also scold myself for being so infatuated with my own son. Now all I can think of is him coming home and waiting for him.