u/Excellent-Thanks1762

Repost

Hi, this is my first post like this so I'm not sure about what I'm doing. This post is gonna be a little long so I apologize about it first.

I have been in a d/s relationship on and off for a while with an older guy.

At the very beginning of it, we weren't really commited to each other so he eventually explored with a couple of other subs, but at the same time love bombed me due to commitment issue (recently divorced and long distance with me), while I did not. I was very miserable during that time, especially because I told him how it made me feel and he still kept going a bit before I put my foot down and the other girl ended what they had around the same time. After that, it was a bit tumultuous due to how traumatising that experience was for me. I decided to give him a second chance and we kept talking on the phone everyday and having an online d/s relationship.

We have spent a year together last year and now we are apart again. I was totally alright after that incident, and excited to be seeing him every week for a year, and thought that this was the perfect relationship for me. He is very sweet caring, loving, and helps me a lot grow in my everyday life (trying new things, learn new skills, be less afraid of some things), since I'm very shy and awkward, and can be antisocial and self deprecating due to overprotection from my parents. I overthink a lot and am a bit negative in life overall. He is pretty much the opposite : social, extroverted, interested in trying new things or meeting new people, always logically reasoning...

However, I have been confronted to what I would call his "past life", seeing his old school, where him and his ex used to life, where he used to work, hang out with his friends, have dates with girlfriends... or going out with his old friends and reminiscing about things they used to do, since he hasn't moved much. Due to his personality, he's had a lot of experience with girls (60/70 women in bodycount), and I have had none beside him. I get easily jealous and anxious whenever I ask him about his previous relationships, or whenever he mentions his 20s/30s because I feel like not only did I miss out on those periods of his life, but also because I will never get to experience more than him.

However, im scared that this might be just a "grass is greener on the other side" mindset set since I genuinely don't think anyone would date me because im not very attractive. I also don't like going out since I don't know many people, and could not go out at night due to being a girl in a very religious household. I am mostly focused on working and talking to him since he is one of the few people who know about my parents and the situation I am in and who is actively supporting me go through it. We are very much in love and we get along so great. I have never and think that I will never get another relationship and connection like this. We're highly compatible in our everyday life and sexual life.

So here's the actual issue : I fell into a Tumblr rabbit hole of cuckholding, and while it was never a kink that I had, it over the time I guess it kinda grew on me ? When we first was doing things with other girl I guess it was about 75% sadness 25% kink, but now its more about 25% sadness and 75% kink. I genuinely don't know if it grew on me , or if i am subconsciously doing it as self harm. I feel like I deserve it because I genuinely suck, don't have much friends, am not that attractive (despite him saying otherwise). He thinks that a threesome is hot, but has grown a bit hesitant about it and spent more time on aftercare about this dynamic, since it's affecting me more than other scene. He wants to make sure that I don't actually think that he wants other girls or that other girls are hotter than me. But it's almost too late since my self esteem has always been really low.

Is it still a good idea to keep going with this scene ? Am I using it as a kind of self harm that turns me on ? Has anyone felt that but kept going and the feelings eventually went away, and accepted that they were in a way "inferior" to other women ?

Are there any other healthy way to get into cuckholding ?

I feel a bit lost since its not a dymanic I'm very used to, if anyone has any advice or opinion about it I'm ope to anything.

Hi, this is my first post like this so I'm not sure about what I'm doing. This post is gonna be a little long so I apologize about it first.

I have been in a d/s relationship on and off for a while with an older guy.

At the very beginning of it, we weren't really commited to each other so he eventually explored with a couple of other subs, but at the same time love bombed me due to commitment issue (recently divorced and long distance with me), while I did not. I was very miserable during that time, especially because I told him how it made me feel and he still kept going a bit before I put my foot down and the other girl ended what they had around the same time. After that, it was a bit tumultuous due to how traumatising that experience was for me. I decided to give him a second chance and we kept talking on the phone everyday and having an online d/s relationship.

We have spent a year together last year and now we are apart again. I was totally alright after that incident, and excited to be seeing him every week for a year, and thought that this was the perfect relationship for me. He is very sweet caring, loving, and helps me a lot grow in my everyday life (trying new things, learn new skills, be less afraid of some things), since I'm very shy and awkward, and can be antisocial and self deprecating due to overprotection from my parents. I overthink a lot and am a bit negative in life overall. He is pretty much the opposite : social, extroverted, interested in trying new things or meeting new people, always logically reasoning...

However, I have been confronted to what I would call his "past life", seeing his old school, where him and his ex used to life, where he used to work, hang out with his friends, have dates with girlfriends... or going out with his old friends and reminiscing about things they used to do, since he hasn't moved much. Due to his personality, he's had a lot of experience with girls (60/70 women in bodycount), and I have had none beside him. I get easily jealous and anxious whenever I ask him about his previous relationships, or whenever he mentions his 20s/30s because I feel like not only did I miss out on those periods of his life, but also because I will never get to experience more than him.

However, im scared that this might be just a "grass is greener on the other side" mindset set since I genuinely don't think anyone would date me because im not very attractive. I also don't like going out since I don't know many people, and could not go out at night due to being a girl in a very religious household. I am mostly focused on working and talking to him since he is one of the few people who know about my parents and the situation I am in and who is actively supporting me go through it. We are very much in love and we get along so great. I have never and think that I will never get another relationship and connection like this. We're highly compatible in our everyday life and sexual life.

So here's the actual issue : I fell into a Tumblr rabbit hole of cuckholding, and while it was never a kink that I had, it over the time I guess it kinda grew on me ? When we first was doing things with other girl I guess it was about 75% sadness 25% kink, but now its more about 25% sadness and 75% kink. I genuinely don't know if it grew on me , or if i am subconsciously doing it as self harm. I feel like I deserve it because I genuinely suck, don't have much friends, am not that attractive (despite him saying otherwise). He thinks that a threesome is hot, but has grown a bit hesitant about it and spent more time on aftercare about this dynamic, since it's affecting me more than other scene. He wants to make sure that I don't actually think that he wants other girls or that other girls are hotter than me. But it's almost too late since my self esteem has always been really low.

Is it still a good idea to keep going with this scene ? Am I using it as a kind of self harm that turns me on ? Has anyone felt that but kept going and the feelings eventually went away, and accepted that they were in a way "inferior" to other women ?

Are there any other healthy way to get into cuckholding ?

I feel a bit lost since its not a dymanic I'm very used to, if anyone has any advice or opinion about it I'm ope to anything.