I don’t kno what to do anymore
So I get these off my normal guy I don’t have many. I don’t want people to kno I’m on this shit so it makes it harder for me to find shit and even get a better number (here in the big apple )on shit , I can’t ask old friends . I can’t ask old Guys because word will get back to my family and wife. I suffer from severe pain and was prescribed for years , my doctor retired. He gave me months to find a new doctor and I fucked up didn’t even try to look(for a pain doctor). I just fucked up. Long story short this guy on the street always has real gray 20s and real MBox green 15s , never spots me but was willing to on these . I guess cuz he knows I hate them. Can’t sniff them. I blasted 5 and just felt weird I dunno if it’s cuz I took methadone earlier . I just can’t keep living with this vicious cycle ! Why do I have to suffer ? Why can’t a sign a waiver that states I need x y and z medications. Oxy helps me with my pain and with my focus I have severe adhd as well and when I’m on my pain meds I can think , I can be organized . I want to Help Others I wanna go be active. I currently go to my primary doctor and they give me the meds I need for my panic attacks . But they won’t give me pain meds . They say it’s just a bandaid. But I need the bandaid. I just don’t kno what to do anymore. I’m going broke buying these things my wife knows it’s always some excuses how the fuck could I do this to my family I’m such a horrible man for this I beg the lord for forgiveness and I always tell him how sorry I am I just need a break and by break I mean a real doctor that can assist me with my pain. I am a blue collar worker and bust my ass day in and day out. How the fuck is it fair we suffer. Makes me want to move to can. I feel they help people who need the meds it’s set up