u/GenZplaything

Ok maybe I do lol. My dad left when I was young and I got hooked on porn and have watched worse and worse stuff as time went on but still.

I literally minored in women's studies! I have a good job at an office early in my career, I have great friends that would freak out if they knew my...extra hobbies.

I am obsessed with married men degrading me. I see a ring on a finger and my pussy just starts vibrating. In University it was easier to kind of just goon over it and not act on it but now in the real world with my own apartment...its just not possible.

I have Ashley Maddison, several sugar baby profiles where I advertise for free, I even sometimes use grindr (so many married guys there that are actually not gay they just want anything other than their wives).

I'm safe, I make them wear condoms but I also "feel" safer. They are more likely fucking less people, they want to keep things discreet, theres no "meet my parents."

And the pay off is surreal. "Will you please fuck my ass Daddy." "Please piss in my mouth Daddy" "please throat fuck me harder Daddy" "please choke me Daddy." The way their eyes light up theres nothing like it. Its hard to find a good one. Most end in a blow job and them wanting to bolt. But when i do its like christmas. I know its wrong but its also kind of not my job to police marriages ya know?

Maybe a rant more than advice haha. I've always had an extremely high sex drive. I discovered pretty early on that emotionally and sexually I was attracted to other women and for a while that was ok. I had an awesome girlfriend in high-school where we unpacked our sexuality. I consider myself firmly a lesbian.

But there was two problems I had. First, I liked rough, degrading, humiliating sex discovered where else alone in my bedroom on the internet. The idea of being used was euphoric for me. The second, I was attracted to cock. Not kissing, not mens bodies, just their cocks and degrading words that came out of their mouths.

I tried really hard to make this work while telling myself I could fulfill my high drive with just women. I bought my now ex girlfriend a strap on, I asked her to choke me, slap me, call me names and she tried, she really did. But it just wasnt enough. I could tell she was always pretending, she would always check in and ask "is this ok" and it just ruined it for me.

Fast forward to university. I'm dating women, having sex with them, getting my emotional needs met but keeping my distance. Because on the other side of me I'm on websites/apps and having older men pick me up from my dorm in first year, or heading to their houses in an Uber drunk after the bar and asking, begging sometimes to be treated in the worst possible ways by them. Men could do it the way I liked it and they had cock.

Now I am out of school and I am even more free than before. I get used by a lot of guys. I'm careful! As much as i love the idea I make all of them wear condoms and this is bad but I gravitate towards married men. In my mind theres way less of a chance they want to date me and its much safer from an STD perspective. They use me a few times and we both move on.

The problem now is I AM a lesbian, I consider myself one deeply and I want to go down the path of getting to a serious relationship. But HOW. How the hell do I even broach that subject. "Oh yeah, well my hobby is kind of begging married older men to degrade and fuck all my holes, the more mysogynistic they are the more i cum later to it. I even beg them to piss on me." Like WTF.

I also dont want to give it up. I dont want any kids one day so in my mind my future is a loving, caring marriage with another woman where at my leisure I am off to be used and degraded by men regularly. Its such a tall order.

I am not unhappy! Just to be clear. I am actually quite confident and happy with my life. I am just trying to navigate and figure out how all this works for me long term.

End of rant/advice i guess? Lol