Another rehab ... and relapse
Heve we go again ... I just finished one of many rehab programs that was supposed to put an end to the neverending cycle of solving problems just for a while and then ending back to where you were or worse.
I finished the program bout 2 weeks and at the start was pretty confitend that i'll be able to handle cca. atleast 10 years of abstinence and that i'ylle able to hande and stressos thrown at me.
The practice was a bit different. Imidetally, i started feeling depressed, with energy to deal with people or things. It's strefulll having this constant feeling of emptiness, maybe put out a smile or two just occasionally if you're lucky.
No sense in loosing so much time for this latest return to depression. This one is just the lastest in a history of successful rehabs that ended badly.
It's hard walking around, being content with finishing rehab. It' also fun and full of optimish but still being accompanied by bunch of personal demons telling you u will fail, manipulating you into mad decisions.
I got outbested the day before yesterday. I had a relapse, but I'm still standing.
This is a long wriring ... anone interested I may continue to write to more about this topic.