u/GiveYouNothing92

I'm in my early 30s, I've been doing this in some form since I was a teen. Lately I've been feeling some kind of way.

1. Online hook ups with strangers, even when successful (attraction present, good chemistry, fun at the time) are increasingly just feeling seedy, unfulfilling, and honestly a bit sad.
2. Engaging in solo play inevitably leads to wanting to hook up. I'm long past the point we're the just the ritual of wearing the clothes, getting done up etc is enough to overly excit me. Playing with a dildo is fun but you soon start to crave that real attention. Eventually you just end up back at step one.
3. The third path trying to cut it out my life all together. We have all been here, the purges, the deleting of profiles, the throwing away clothes and toys. The promise that this is a new start, you're done with all that. This just feels like repression and abstinence which leads to desires boiling over. Some times you go long stretches we're it does seem your done with it but the inevitable always seems to happen.

The whole thing is just an exhausting merry go round where no option really feels like a solution. It's honestly just getting boring it being such a big issue in my life. Most people are starting families at this point in life, I just want to grow out of this.

I'm in my early 30s, I've been doing this in some form since I was a teen. Lately I've been feeling some kind of way.

1. Online hook ups with strangers, even when successful (attraction present, good chemistry, fun at the time) are increasingly just feeling seedy, unfulfilling, and honestly a bit sad.
2. Engaging in solo play inevitably leads to wanting to hook up. I'm long past the point we're the just the ritual of wearing the clothes, getting done up etc is enough to overly excit me. Playing with a dildo is fun but you soon start to crave that real attention. Eventually you just end up back at step one.
3. The third path trying to cut it out my life all together. We have all been here, the purges, the deleting of profiles, the throwing away clothes and toys. The promise that this is a new start, you're done with all that. This just feels like repression and abstinence which leads to desires boiling over. Some times you go long stretches we're it does seem your done with it but the inevitable always seems to happen.

The whole thing is just an exhausting merry go round where no option really feels like a solution. It's honestly just getting boring it being such a big issue in my life. Most people are starting families at this point in life, I just want to grow out of this.

My marriage ended today, there where multiple contributing factors but none which would have probably been insurmountable if not for the damage I did to my life because of this fetish. I have always been bi and had a crossdressing fetish but moving in with my wife six years ago sent things into overdrive. Having my own place allowed me the freedom to explore dressing more, then discovering hypno porn, poppers, advertising myself and enjoying the attention on chat sites. This led to the inevitable slippery slope of meeting someone in person and contracting an STD (even though I used protection). I had no choice but to confess what I had done.

We had another two years after that, she tried to forgive me, they were mostly happy. it seemed like we would be ok. Over the last year my wife has made some big changes in her life which have altered her personality, while I had to work away for a year. The dynamics of our relationship changed, in a vacuum we could have probably adjusted to this but the shadow of what I did hung over everything. I've felt it for months that my wife's feelings have changed towards me. We spoke about splitting up, we tried counseling, it seemed to go well I truly thought we would get past this eventually. This weekend she told me she just can't see the same future she once thought she had with me, she will always love me but cannot let go of what I did and trust starting a family with me. I am sitting here now as she has just moved out confident she is set in her decision.

I am literally in hell right now, the hardest thing to get over is except for my infidelity we had a fantastic marriage. If god made us both in heaven he matched us, we were literally the couple most people who know us would never think would break up. We argued like any couple but for the most part things were always just easy. Before the day I had to go and confess to her I was literally her hero. She was even fully accepting of my sissy fetish and enjoyed indulging it (sadly its always been a thing to do for men for me). Sure I may meet someone new eventually but it will never be like that.

This isn't intended to be some moralist "TGandSissyRecovry" BS triad against this fetish, I know it can be a part of a perfectly healthy lifestyle for many. It's also not a message to people who are truly gay/trans and for whatever reason ended up in a hetro relationship, I can't speak to your experience. My message is to the bi/pretty much straight but enjoy being with men through this specific fetish or got here through escalating porn use crowd that are in relationships. Whether you have cheated a few times and got away with it, whether you've only been on chat sites so far but you're getting closer every time, if you still value your partner, family and life just stop now. I know how dizzying throwing yourself into this fetish can be, I know how it mimics the addiction cycle. But just do what you have to do to stop, keep away from porn and other triggers, get to a therapist that specializes in sex addiction, join an SSA group. Don't come on here and listen to the shitty advice which circulates that you can some how live two separate lives forever. Value what you have now and what you risk losing, don't end up in my position.

My marriage ended today, there where multiple contributing factors but none which would have probably been insurmountable if not for the damage I did to my life because of this fetish. I have always been bi and had a crossdressing fetish but moving in with my wife six years ago sent things into overdrive. Having my own place allowed me the freedom to explore dressing more, then discovering hypno porn, poppers, advertising myself and enjoying the attention on chat sites. This led to the inevitable slippery slope of meeting someone in person and contracting an STD (even though I used protection). I had no choice but to confess what I had done.

We had another two years after that, she tried to forgive me, they were mostly happy. it seemed like we would be ok. Over the last year my wife has made some big changes in her life which have altered her personality, while I had to work away for a year. The dynamics of our relationship changed, in a vacuum we could have probably adjusted to this but the shadow of what I did hung over everything. I've felt it for months that my wife's feelings have changed towards me. We spoke about splitting up, we tried counseling, it seemed to go well I truly thought we would get past this eventually. This weekend she told me she just can't see the same future she once thought she had with me, she will always love me but cannot let go of what I did and trust starting a family with me. I am sitting here now as she has just moved out confident she is set in her decision.

I am literally in hell right now, the hardest thing to get over is except for my infidelity we had a fantastic marriage. If god made us both in heaven he matched us, we were literally the couple most people who know us would never think would break up. We argued like any couple but for the most part things were always just easy. Before the day I had to go and confess to her I was literally her hero. She was even fully accepting of my sissy fetish and enjoyed indulging it (sadly its always been a thing to do for men for me). Sure I may meet someone new eventually but it will never be like that.

This isn't intended to be some moralist "TGandSissyRecovry" BS triad against this fetish, I know it can be a part of a perfectly healthy lifestyle for many. It's also not a message to people who are truly gay/trans and for whatever reason ended up in a hetro relationship, I can't speak to your experience. My message is to the bi/pretty much straight but enjoy being with men through this specific fetish or got here through escalating porn use crowd that are in relationships. Whether you have cheated a few times and got away with it, whether you've only been on chat sites so far but you're getting closer every time, if you still value your partner, family and life just stop now. I know how dizzying throwing yourself into this fetish can be, I know how it mimics the addiction cycle. But just do what you have to do to stop, keep away from porn and other triggers, get to a therapist that specializes in sex addiction, join an SSA group. Don't come on here and listen to the shitty advice which circulates that you can some how live two separate lives forever. Value what you have now and what you risk losing, don't end up in my position.

My marriage ended today, there where multiple contributing factors but none which would have probably been insurmountable if not for the damage I did to my life because of this fetish. I have always been bi and had a crossdressing fetish but moving in with my wife six years ago sent things into overdrive. Having my own place allowed me the freedom to explore dressing more, then discovering hypno porn, poppers, advertising myself and enjoying the attention on chat sites. This led to the inevitable slippery slope of meeting someone in person and contracting an STD (even though I used protection). I had no choice but to confess what I had done.

We had another two years after that, she tried to forgive me, they were mostly happy. it seemed like we would be ok. Over the last year my wife has made some big changes in her life which have altered her personality, while I had to work away for a year. The dynamics of our relationship changed, in a vacuum we could have probably adjusted to this but the shadow of what I did hung over everything. I've felt it for months that my wife's feelings have changed towards me. We spoke about splitting up, we tried counseling, it seemed to go well I truly thought we would get past this eventually. This weekend she told me she just can't see the same future she once thought she had with me, she will always love me but cannot let go of what I did and trust starting a family with me. I am sitting here now as she has just moved out confident she is set in her decision.

I am literally in hell right now, the hardest thing to get over is except for my infidelity we had a fantastic marriage. If god made us both in heaven he matched us, we were literally the couple most people who know us would never think would break up. We argued like any couple but for the most part things were always just easy. Before the day I had to go and confess to her I was literally her hero. She was even fully accepting of my sissy fetish and enjoyed indulging it (sadly its always been a thing to do for men for me). Sure I may meet someone new eventually but it will never be like that.

This isn't intended to be some moralist "TGandSissyRecovry" BS triad against this fetish, I know it can be a part of a perfectly healthy lifestyle for many. It's also not a message to people who are truly gay/trans and for whatever reason ended up in a hetro relationship, I can't speak to your experience. My message is to the bi/pretty much straight but enjoy being with men through this specific fetish or got here through escalating porn use crowd that are in relationships. Whether you have cheated a few times and got away with it, whether you've only been on chat sites so far but you're getting closer every time, if you still value your partner, family and life just stop now. I know how dizzying throwing yourself into this fetish can be, I know how it mimics the addiction cycle. But just do what you have to do to stop, keep away from porn and other triggers, get to a therapist that specializes in sex addiction, join an SSA group. Don't come on here and listen to the shitty advice which circulates that you can some how live two separate lives forever. Value what you have now and what you risk losing, don't end up in my position.