running from crazy ex-cop on lsd broke my brain / need help
sup yall sorry if my english isn't that good it's not my native language. so about a year ago i took shrooms it went pretty fine, although before falling asleep, as the trip was ending i had this weird thought-spiral, was extremaly confused and afraid all of the sudden, but overall everything was fine. then i took acid, all good, watched geometric art on plain white bathroom floor for about 8 hours then swimmed naked in lake while it was raining for the rest of the trip. fast foward august i decided to take acid (200ug) with my bf at the time on our way to a music festival. on a fucking train. it started to kick in, when some meth-head looking guy in his 30s, with his equally not-sober looking gf in her 20s approached one of my friends. they got along for wtv reason. i could tell something was off with them but ignored it and blamed it on tripping. so as we got to the festival we started to set up a tent right next to that dude cause he just wouldn't fuck off. he went somewhere to get food and we would start a convo with another guy and then this weirdo came back and started being agressive towards him. he would then start to tell us some weird shit about beating people up, some girls being tied to radiator ect. and thats when i went holy shit we gotta run. we would wait for him to go to sleep and then pack up our stuff and go somewhere else. so its around 3 am now and we're peaking while going around the fest looking for space to set up our tent. i was approaching ppl telling them about the whole situation and one dude asked some very specific question about the way that creep introduced himself. thats when i found out he was known for being an undercover cop who got into a meth because of pretty much being surrounded by drug dealers at work. so he got kicked out of his job. he doesn't do that stuff anymore but still mentally scarred , trying to ,,fulfill his ex-job purpose"by looking for people doing drugs and later on reporting them, after getting their info , like phone number ( he asked us for one but we didn't give it to him). so yeah i remember feeling super stressed and emmbarresed throught the whole time cause of the possibility of running into him. since then i feel extremaly scared of people , had some delusional belifs for a while (but shook them off), and overall i feel like i've lost myself. i broke up with my boyfriend cause of other situation which also took place on this fest (he also started acting really weird and was insufrable since) and i find myself unable to feel anything about it. it's like my mind is there but my feelings are completly dissconected from me which never happened to me before. i feel this constant preassure of performing and feel watched even though i know im not. im ashamed of myself for taking this shit in such place only for the sake of showing others im cool like them. i wonder if its possible to get back to myself after that. i realized theres nothing more important than being yourself and other people not liking is isn't that important at all. but now i struggle to get back to myself without it being super ego driven. it's like i make everything about me now and struggle to understand myself. im super irritated 24/7 and i have this vivid brutal crazy dreams involving my family ever since and have trouble remembering anything before that experience and have trouble sleeping. does anyone had some kind of similar situation to mine and got over it? any advice besides getting a therapist?