u/HacedorDeHistorias

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u/HacedorDeHistorias — 6 days ago

A review of Ordinary Days, by LiminalLayover

Ordinary Days presents with a very creative premise: unlike other stories were the reader POV is from the mind controller or from the mind controlled, this story POV comes from a bystander. But not just any bystander.

Some stories already use this unusual POV but mostly to contemplate from a safe distance the scene the mind controller is enacting. The bystander is just a witness, but doesn't participate in the action. The story is like a costumbrist portray of a world were mind control exists but no big plot is happening.

Even for those rare cases were the bystander does participate in the action, they do it passively. A bystander that during the scene gets lucky and gets laid, or a bystander that during the scene gets unlucky and is used. You know the idea, but in both cases after the scene is done the bystander just ends confused wondering what happened and the story finishes. Even with a role in the scene the bystander is not a protagonist of the story we read through their eyes.

That's what makes Ordinary Days different. In the plot presented by LiminalLayover's story the bystander is the protagonist, an unwilling one even, but the only one that can be. To explain this we have to talk more about the premise of the story.

Dereck is going through his last year of highschool, but unlike previous years this time he has a new classmate, a classmate with reality altering powers.

Henry is the mind controller of this story and a very hedonistic and cynical one. Having the ability to shape reality at will and without any effort he is basically like a god with the maturity of a teen. He has no regard for anyone and just assists to highschool to use it as the scenery for his twisted fantasies. And of course the students and teachers are his actors, well no, his playthings. Playthings that enthusiastically perform any hideous script Henry has planned and return to normal with no memories of what happened once the day finishes. All but one: Dereck.

Who knows why? But Dereck is the only person completely immune to Henry's abilities. That's not to say Dereck is superhuman or can reverse Henry's control. Actually Dereck is as ordinary and mundane as you and me. If Henrry would want to kill him, well he couldn't snap his fingers to anhilate him, but he certainly could conjure a gun and shoot him in the head.

The only advantage in favor of Dereck is that Henry has no idea of his existence. The first time Henry altered reality Derek happened to be away from his attention and after watching with horror how every other person followed Henry's commands he quickly pretended to do as well to pass unnoticed.

Since then Dereck understood that his survival was dependent on Henry not accounting him. He leaned to go in with whatever strange fantasy Henry brings to reality to avoid suspicion, effectively making him an obedient puppet just like any other person.

Up until here you would think that this story is just as the others with the POV of a bystander. Surely, this time the bystander happens to be conscious about how surreal and dangerous the situation is, but is still forced to adopt a passive role within the story. What I have not tell you is that Dereck has a very strong motivation: to protect the people he loves the most.

While everything returns back to normal at the end of every day and no other person remembers what Henry did, Dereck simply cannot bear the sight of Henry abusing his loved ones. And thus, Dereck goes through tremendous efforts to take his sister, and his crush out from the spotlight. All to avoid Henry picking them to perform his next fantasy.

This is easier said than done and is where the interest of the story relies the most. Watching Dereck struggling to get with valid reasons to move his crush and sister out of the way while not sounding like a crazy conspiranoic is very entertaining and gets you tense with each word. Sometimes Dereck needs to do this not within the logics of the real world but within the logics of the twisted reality Henry has imposed for the day, this makes for even more creative thinking.

This is what makes Dereck and active bystander, and what makes this story shine among others with similar POV.

But this story is good not only for the premise. Its characters also feel realistic even with the very fanciful setting they live in. We see Dereck extenuate from constantly having to adapt to Henry's changing rules, and we see him struggle to maintain his motivation when he success on saving his sister and crush for the day but fails to maintain a decent talking relationship with them. We see him alone in a way no other character can be alone.

Henry himself is also a good antagonist, he transmits very well the terror of being subject to a teen turned god. His fantasies feel convoluted in the way only the fantasies of a person who can try anything and it's getting out of ideas can get. We even see him feeling the void of anhedonia for some time when he was out of ideas. We see him alone in a way no other character can be alone. It is terrifying to think what would happen when Henry tries every possible scenario and is still bored.

Up until now I have only talked about what I liked form Ordinary Days, but I like to include some criticism in my reviews to avoid bias.Even though I struggle to criticize an story that I liked so much and that was written by someone who I believe writes way better than me. But for the sake of balance here are some points that I think could be improved:

While the main characters do feel realistic for the setting. Some of the secondary characters feel a little bit forced, even when out of Henry's influence. Figures of authority for example tend to have some cliche personality trait that's very prominent and is later exploited by Henry in his fantasies. Sometimes you keep wondering how they got their job in the first place with such notorious trait.

Other students out from the main character circle also tend to be flat. The "bad" influence is really really bad and out of any chance of redemption (there is a chapter where even Henry feels more empathetic). And the perfectionists is reaaally good at everything, performing well even in vastly different abilities.

But meh, this points don't taint the overall story and are probably just me trying to cherry pick something for the review. I enjoyed Ordinary days despite them and forget these "flaws" after reading a couple of lines after.

So if something from what I told you spark your interest I invite you to give Ordinary Days by LiminalLayover a chance. The story currently finished the first act and ended in a cliffhanger, but the author has promised to return to it after a refresh exploring other texts he wanted to write. From my part I can only thank him form making such an interesting story, never quit writing!

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u/HacedorDeHistorias — 11 days ago

Review of Fireflies by HypnoGriff

Fireflies is a fresh note of wholesomeness in a genre that is sometimes too vulgar.

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Hypno and MC as a kink can come from multiple backgrounds, but in written fiction both often fall into the absolute power (or absolute surrender) fantasy. I get it, everybody from time to time wonders how would it be if they could do anything (or if anything could be done to them). However the best stories are made not by giving the reader anything they want, but by convincing the reader the story is realistic and consistent (even with the fantasy elements that story might include). There are a lot of skills writers develop to archive this: wordbuilding, narrative structures, not sucking in grammar, etc... But I'm my humble opinion the most important is: creating characters that actually feel human, tridimentional and have their own flaws.

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In our kink humanization of characters is often left apart because, well let's be honest, MC easily gravitates towards absolute power/surrender and those absolutes hardly would be accepted by actual humans. When we write a hot story without any other pretention than being sexy; that friction that actual humanity would introduce in the story has no use, so humanity is left apart in favor of more caricatured characters.

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But let's not forget that our kink also has an ethical and consensual version in real life. Albeit without many of the erotic temptations that fiction offers, real life is more satisfying because it involves an actual human partner who we get to know so deeply that we can deposit our entire trust in them. (Or vice versa, depending on which side of the watch we are taking). It it's an act of love. Not necessarily romantic love as not all tist/subject dyads are romantic partners, but an act of love nonetheless as genuine trust and affection are needed for a successful power exchange relationship.

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This is what makes Fireflies by HypnoGriff so great (don't worry I haven't forgotten this is supposed to be a review post and not an easy about hypno): their human characters and the love between them.

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The story of Fireflies presents a more grounded and realistic version of hypnosis than what we are used in most fiction. You know the drill, hypno is not magic, it cannot force people, it doesn't work immediately, it requires a willing subject, etc. When this realistic version of MC is confronted with characters that feel humane, have their own flaws and motivations, their own backstories and insecurities and strengths and fears and so and so (great work HypnoGriff). Well there are only two stories can come out of this combination.

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The first possibly is a story of abuse, a dark consequence of human characters and grounded hypnosis acting recklessly. Though this may be an interesting scenario to explore in fiction with other authors, HypnoGrifft chose instead the equally interesitng (and in my opinion more difficult to deliver) second possibility: a story of love.

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By setting characters with genuine affection and responsibility for each other the events cannot unfold otherwise but in a wholesome romance that the reader eagers at each chapter. That's not to say this romance develops in a chessy inconsequential manner. The characters after all are humane and have flaws, thus obstacles in their relationship appear from time to time keeping the narrative interesting and real (and also let me mention that HypnoGriff has an skill to set emotional cliffhangers right when they're most needed).

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Nonetheless the general state in which you're while reading Fireflies is mostly one of cozyness and comfort. It is truly a charming and heartwarming story and I think you should give it a chance. Even if romance is not your thing from time to time is good to try new genres and I believe this story presents very accessible for the unfamiliar newcomers.

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Now, a good review cannot be complete without also warning against the less pretty parts of a piece. A little bit of constructive criticisms I guess? It honestly feels daunting attempting to give feedback to someone who I think writes way better than me; but if don't want everyone to discard this review for being totally biased I must at least try to say something bad about Fireflies.

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Uh

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Uhm

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Uhmmmmmm

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Well, sometimes the narrative might fall too deep into the cliches of romance. Misunderstandings that might be prevented if only one character stayed just a little bit longer, that kind of things. But meh, cliches exist for a reason, you know. Also sometimes the mischievous PDA of the main characters might pass too unnoticed or conveniently they're not punished too harshly for it. But meh, those moments were all the extern elements conspire in favor of a good scene got us some of the most sexy moments and are later compensated by the internal conflict between the partners.

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So yeah I cannot think of too many bad things to say about this piece, so before I lost any pretension of unbiaseness that I might still have I will conclude this review by inviting you to read Fireflies by HypnoGrifft here.

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u/HacedorDeHistorias — 22 days ago