u/IronicBikinis

As someone who was born in 1984, I just barely missed living this out as it happened, but there’s something about the early ‘90s aesthetic where the hairstyles got smaller but the bathing suits were just as neon and skimpy and the objectification of women was just as rampant. You know the kind – the babysitter stripping down to a tiny bandeau top by the pool, neighborhood kids ogling for a glimpse of their friend’s older sister braless, teacher/student relationships that would never fly today.

No piercings, no tattoos, just lots of nubile skin and innuendo.

Want to talk about how I might fit into some of those fantasies you may still have?

You know the type. She's getting coffee at Starbucks before going to her senior English literature class, and the recent heat wave has sent the hemlines of her tops farther up her torso. Or maybe it's a little cooler in the morning, and she's wearing a sweatshirt (cropped at home with scissors, of course) of some Midwestern college she did early admission to get in, only a few months away from being a freshman and all the keg stands and drunken frat party hookups that leads to.

Given no consequences, what are you doing with me?

As someone who was born in 1984, I just barely missed living this out as it happened, but there’s something about the early ‘90s aesthetic where the hairstyles got smaller but the bathing suits were just as neon and skimpy and the objectification of women was just as rampant. You know the kind – the babysitter stripping down to a tiny bandeau top by the pool, neighborhood kids ogling for a glimpse of their friend’s older sister braless, teacher/student relationships that would never fly today.

No piercings, no tattoos, just lots of nubile skin and innuendo.

Want to talk about how I might fit into some of those fantasies you may still have?

Somewhere between a flat tummy and BBWs there exists, like Brigadoon, the mythical land of the mid-size. You know the type - she works out, but also doesn't refuse an extra double chocolate donut (or two, plus an ice cream). Widening hips, with the beginnings of a pooch underneath her belly button. I've been told I look like "Lois Griffin plus 25lbs", and I don't think that's an inaccurate assessment.

Just putting it out there, I'm not into weight gain fantasies. Very happy with my current size, and no plans to change that. Anyone want to talk more?

We're both by the pool at an exclusive resort in Mexico, you see me struggling trying to open a tube of sunscreen. Seeking an opportunity, you come over and offer assistance. "I...I guess, here you go."

As you struggle to open it as well, the cap breaks and sends a big blob of white sunscreen lotion all over my stomach.

I giggle, but you ponder the situation and say...

As someone who was born in 1984, I just barely missed living this out as it happened, but there’s something about the early ‘90s aesthetic where the hairstyles got smaller but the bathing suits were just as neon and skimpy and the objectification of women was just as rampant. You know the kind – the babysitter stripping down to a tiny bandeau top by the pool, neighborhood kids ogling for a glimpse of their friend’s older sister braless, teacher/student relationships that would never fly today.

No piercings, no tattoos, just lots of nubile skin and innuendo.

Want to talk about how I might fit into some of those fantasies you may still have?

You know the type. Emerging from the piercing shop as the summer begins to heat up, her tanned midriff bulging out from tight leggings and a tank top that can't pretend to cover her indulgences anymore. And there, between the stretchmarks right in the middle, a shiny jewel-encrusted stud.

Anyone want to talk with someone with this body type? What does it do for you?

You know the type. Emerging from the piercing shop as the summer begins to heat up, her tanned midriff bulging out from tight leggings and a tank top that can't pretend to cover her indulgences anymore. And there, between the stretchmarks right in the middle, a shiny jewel-encrusted stud.

Anyone want to talk with someone with this body type? What does it do for you?