u/Last_Ad_1742

Up for any kind of chat .

I don’t really know how to write this, but I need to get it out somewhere.

Since 2020, life has felt like a continuous struggle. I was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, and since 2021 I’ve also been dealing with major depressive disorder. Over time, I somehow learned to live with both. I kept studying, working, making plans, and trying to move forward. I became very good at functioning even when I wasn’t doing well internally.

Then came 2024, and I went through a heartbreak that changed me in ways I still don’t fully understand. It wasn’t just losing a person. It felt like losing a future I had imagined for myself. I tried to accept it and move on, but I think a part of me stayed there.

Since then, I’ve just kept going.

I continued with my PhD, work, responsibilities, and everything else that life expected from me. There were good moments too, and I’m grateful for them. Recently, I successfully defended my PhD after years of work. I thought that moment would feel different. I thought I would finally feel proud, relieved, maybe even happy for a long time.

And I did feel happy.

But only for a little while.

Then the same emptiness came back.

That’s probably the part I find hardest to understand. I have survived illness, depression, heartbreak, academic pressure, and years of uncertainty. I’ve achieved things I once desperately wanted. Yet somehow I still feel tired, lonely, and afraid of what comes next.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve spent so many years just surviving that I’ve forgotten how to actually feel alive.

I don’t know what I’m looking for by writing this. Maybe someone who has been through something similar will understand. Maybe I just need to hear that this feeling doesn’t last forever.

Because right now, I’m tired of being strong.

I'm 28 M living in Lahore...