Struggling with my feelings about my partner being a cross-dresser and how it’s affecting my own sexuality
My partner is a cross-dresser, and I’m still trying to work through my feelings about all of this.
We’ve been together for three years, and I found out about his cross-dressing about a year ago completely by accident. Since then, he seems to do it more and more. I travel for work, so I know it probably happens even more when I’m away, and for some reason, that really pisses me off.
I don’t completely understand why. I’m trying to be honest with myself about it rather than judge him or myself for feeling this way. I think part of it is that I view cross-dressing as something intimate and personal, rather than simply a form of masturbation. Because of that, knowing he does it while I’m away sometimes makes me feel like I’m being left out of something intimate between us.
We have a very healthy sex life. We have sex almost every night, haha, and we genuinely enjoy each other and have a great connection. That’s actually part of why I’m struggling so much with this.
Lately, during sex, I’ve started having this strange feeling that I’m the man and he’s the woman. And then I get stuck wondering: when he looks at me, does he still see me as the woman I am, or is he somehow seeing me as a man?
It’s gotten into my head more than I’d like to admit. I’ve even noticed it affecting how I see myself. For example, when I look in the mirror wearing lingerie, I don’t always see the sexy, feminine woman I used to see. Instead, I sometimes suddenly feel like I’m a dude wearing lingerie. And honestly, it’s really fucking with my head.
I’ve started doing little exercises before sex where I remind myself that I’m sexy, that I’m feminine, that I love my femininity, and that I love feeling sexy. I’m trying to reconnect with that part of myself instead of allowing these thoughts to take over.
For context, I have never actually seen him dressed up. We’ve talked about it, and we’ve both agreed that if/when he feels ready, he’ll introduce that side of himself into our relationship. We’ve also both been clear that this isn’t something either of us wants to become 100% of our relationship or sex life.
I guess I’m trying to understand what’s happening in my own head. I love him, I love our sex life, and I don’t want to shame him for something that is clearly a part of him. At the same time, I’m struggling with what his cross-dressing is making me feel about myself, my femininity, and my place in our sexual relationship.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you work through the feelings without making your partner feel ashamed or rejected?