u/NecessaryOk7072

M32/F32 Looking for another guy about our age to pleasure the wife while I watch until she’s ready for me to join in🤤hmu to come over to White Settlement

Hate might be a strong word, but it is the right word to describe how I feel. I hate myself. I hate my wife. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely love each other today as much as we did when we met 13yrs ago. But here’s the thing, she’s straight and I’m bisexual. And for a bit, we both went our separate ways looking for guys to bring into our bedroom, and yes, only just for that. She has all the luck (I mean she’s sexy and beautiful both inside and out), and I rarely have luck, if any at that. And as strange as it is, I love to watch her (iykyk). It’s such a turn on. I hate myself for it, for liking what I like. I hate her for it too. Anyways, it royally sucks knowing that the other straight guy(s) want nothing to do with you. It tears, no, it rips me apart on the inside knowing she can have anyone she wants basically at any time and almost anywhere. Like right now, literally, she’s have the time of her life with some guy we’ve been with before while I’m away for the week. He wants nothing from me, no jo or bj. Now we’re very open and communicable with each other when it comes down to this stuff. I just hate how I get so caught up in the moment that when the fun happens I sink into this deep and emotional state where I feel eaten alive from the inside. The part I hate the most? While I’m not going to act, I honestly feel I’d rather be dead than alive feeling the way I do. And when she’s all said and done? I hate her. I hate me. I hate us. I’d rather be dead so she can be free from me. I’d rather be free from me, but yet, here I am, stuck and living with myself for forever.