having this fetish is miserable, i need to talk about it
im not sure if this is the right place, i dont use reddit often at all, im so sorry if im breaking a rule, i read them all but i have poor interpretation skills. please give me a heads up if i am and point to the right place for this post if i am in the wrong place!!
Please don't take this as an attack on the fetish itself!!! I support sex positivity and hope you all enjoy your experience with it, even if i do not!!!
hello it is me again! i asked for help on getting rid of a fetish two years ago, i'm here again, with no progress, but i no longer need advice, i just need to talk about it. I won't be too personal, because this is a throwaway and im paranoid regarding the internet and being tracked, but the situation roughly is that I have a size fetish, and it gives me no joy or pleasure. it is the ONLY thing that makes me aroused, much to my misery. i am asexual and have otherwise 0 interest in anything of sexual caliber. this is the one miserable exception. all it gives to me is physical stimulation, i take no mental pleasure in this, its so distressing, i am only not worse off because im dissociated all the time due to other issues. I randomly get the physiological urge, and i give into it just to get it over with as fast as possible.
i think it has given me some obsessive compulsive tendencies. the general concept of feet is now uncomfortable for me and i wear socks all the time now, i avoid certain words and expressions because they have become "tainted" with fetish associations, it is a living hell. im in therapy already but this all is too shameful to admit to anyone, so i just try to ignore it.
i have tried reframing it as neutral and unlearning shame, but my issue isnt really shame, its disgust. its horrible. i can't quite describe it in words, but it feels like a violation of me by my body, every time im done interacting with fetish material i feel a mixture of disgust, sorrow, anger, and some other emotions i cant be bothered to dissect.
i just have no one to tell this to, im so sorry if this is the wrong place, im so sorry for bothering you all again, and i hope all of u have a very pleasant week!!!