No idea what I want from this
Really, no idea. Middle aged, successful, happily married to a wonderful woman. Good sex life. The thing is I am quite hypersexual and it has nothing to do with not getting enough. I'm not sure there is "enough."
My wife knows that I am flexible, at least. We role play, etc. But as adept as I am at being a dominant, heteronormative man, I am equally capable of being a nearly limitless submissive bottom. Sometime I just want to serve, and I really have no outlet for that.
I could be graphic. It's probably unnecessary. I have told a few people that I have a sex addiction and that whatever they think that means, it's worse. I consider myself to be "recovering." I try to recognize when I am being compulsive and abstain, reset, "dry out." I always wonder if when I feel an overwhelming desire for men if I am really attracted to them, or attracted to the submission? Does it matter? I went to a gay bar once with a friend and some of the patrons were what I would describe as not kind. It really made me feel like I don't quite belong anywhere. I am aware that is a pretty mundane, ubiquitous problem. But I still find myself out of place with what to DO with all that desire (?).
And with some irony, understanding what that feels like makes me an even better heteronormative, dominant man. I completely understand what it feels like to want to get on my knees and put someone else's desires and pleasure ahead of my own. To be used.
Thanks for listening, I think. I guess I just needed to say it out loud, I don't really have friends I can talk to about this, so this seemed like a good place.