losing all my virginities: chapter one (incest, cousins, taboo)
I woke up to the sun cascading through the windows, shadows cast against the sloped ceiling of my third-floor bedroom.
I wiped my eyes, covered in sleep, and stared bleary-eyed at the scene before me. Posters lining the walls—World Series champs from 1998, 2004, 2007. Clothes strewn across the floor. My bag was hardly unpacked from yesterday’s arrival.
And then, in the bed beside me lay Kevin—still asleep, his breathing shallow, quiet.
He’d arrived late last night after I’d gone to sleep, my insistence that he stay upstairs with me something of a surprise, even to my parents. After all, it had been a few months since Kevin’s first visit back up to Holden, that epic weekend that had evolved into far more than either of us had anticipated.
I’d always suspected that Kev was gay, only to be certain of it when he showed up on that hot June afternoon—awkward, shy, self-effacing. The sheepish way he looked at me when he first got out of that cab was indication enough. It had been amusing at first, the way I could scare him so easily, his infatuation so overwhelming to him. After all, I hardly knew what I was—gay, straight, bi—other than the fact that clearly I liked fooling around with dudes, particularly Greg.
It was easy. Comfortable. Hot.
Kevin having a crush was no big deal.
Then I’d found him in my room that one afternoon—caught, dick out, my underwear in his hand—and it all unraveled, what was left of the facade.
He wanted me. Bad.
Three days was what it had taken to start. Five was what it had taken for it all come to a boil. And then, at the end of the week, we’d vowed to plan another visit, another round.
Now here we were. October. And he was back.
I could tell my parents were pleased, pleased at the way that we’d become friends, or whatever, after so many years. Pleased at the way I’d shown an interest in someone younger, a relative, someone who looked up to me.
A mentor, they’d said.
I’d laughed at the idea. A mentor? More like a bad influence. Or perhaps not. If this was what Kevin liked, then maybe it was best that he learn from someone close to him.
Someone like me.
And so, this time, instead of staying in the guest bedroom, far, far away downstairs, Kev was up with me, in the twin bed usually reserved for my closest friends.
Because I guess, after everything that had happened, that’s what he was. A close friend, a cousin, or maybe something else?
“You’re up.”
I was pulled back down to earth by Kev’s voice.
I looked over at him, face nestled in his pillow, eyes on me, expectant and grinning.
“I’m up.” I reached my arms to stretch. “Welcome back, Kev.”
“Thought the day would never come.”
I laughed.
He’d mellowed out—calmer, less intense than the beginning of his first visit—but he was still tightly wound, like an over-eager puppy, dropping lines like that. It probably didn’t help that I had been the engineer of his entire sexual awakening.
Teaching him to jerk off. Teaching him to suck dick. Teaching him how to come.
I’d understandably taken on outsize influence.
Kevin stood from the bed, naked, cock standing straight in front of him as he made his way to the window at the far end of the room.
“Looks beautiful,” he said, peering through the glass, yawning.
I watched him from behind, his body just as I remembered it—lean, tight, underdeveloped, the slight of his shoulders giving way to an ass that was wide, bigger than it had any right to be given his size.
He was what I guess you would call a twink.
I felt the familiar tightness between my legs—my cock slowly contracting under the covers, ball sack pulling in tight—his body doing something to me I couldn’t control.
Whereas Greg was big, built, muscular, Kev was the opposite—small, compact, lean. But I liked him just the same, particularly when we’d all been together. The contrast of the three of us, man, that had been the clincher, the thing that had made the entire week electric.
I felt for my dick under the covers, enjoying how unbothered Kev seemed, putting himself on full display. Something in him had loosened up, even if he still put forth an innocence, a shyness that was undeniably sexy.
I liked that I’d taught him things, dirty things, helping to open him up to a whole new world. He was primed for an evolution. I was the teacher, and he was an eager student.
“Fuck, you look hot,” I said quietly.
He turned. “Yeah?” he asked, eyes downcast, cheeks blushing.
“Yeah.”
I seared into him, refusing to look away. It was too easy to shake him, to mess with him. And if there was any doubt, it was working; the tightening between his own legs was affirmation enough.
“You too,” he replied, glancing up with an assuredness I wouldn’t have recognized in him so many months back. “I missed you.”
I blanched at the statement, so raw, honest, vulnerable. Deflecting, I reached for the covers that lay on top of me, pulling them down to reveal myself—the smooth of my chest and stomach, the light tufts of my bush below, and then my half-hard cock, ever growing, resting just beneath it.
“You wanna help me out with this?”
His face turned, smile widening, his own piece now fully hard at the sight.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
And so he made his way over, climbing onto the foot of the bed so that he was positioned directly in front of me, ass spread behind, my cock just before his face.
Fuck, I loved that view—the short mop of brown hair still tousled from sleep, his face so innocent and boyish—the same view as when he’d come up to this very room so many months back, Greg and I standing above him, letting him take turns sucking us off. And I loved it again now, the way he knelt there, so eager, so excited, ready to service me again.
He took my dick in his hand—his palm soft, warm, inviting—and began stroking it gently, his the touch of a sweet young boy. But just when I’d written him off as entirely polite, he opened his mouth, a long trail of spit falling out of it and landing perfectly along the head, running down its face to my balls.
Fuck.
Not so sweet after all.
I smiled.
“The wetter the better, right?” he said, reminding me of the first advice I’d provided on getting himself off.
He’d learned well.
And then, using his hand, he slicked up and down the entirety of my shaft, coating me in several strokes until I was fully wet.
“Such a good boy,” I whispered, watching him as he repeated the gesture, drooling onto my piece and then slicking it up and down once more.
“And you’re a great teacher,” Kev replied.
My dick pulsed as he said it, straining against the light grip he had on me. And then, without any more hesitation, he lowered his mouth, taking me inside him in one, long gulp.
I threw my head back, the sensation almost too much. It was the perfect little mouth, just as Greg had said, its insides tight and velvety, my cock sliding effortlessly within, finding its way to his furthest depths until he held it beautifully in place.
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered as he bore down on me, immobile, fully submerged.
The boy was skilled. And if having Kevin back meant having my own personal cocksucker, well…
That was fine by me.
I could feel him choke, lightly coughing, working to contain me, and when finally he released, he let my cock stand before him, sloppy, messy, spit running down either side.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “I missed this.”
I blanched at the statement, his face just before me, framed by my cock.
Such a dirty little twink.
“Yeah?” I asked, nodding down at him. “Prove it.”
He grinned—challenge accepted—and without any further hesitation his mouth was back on my cock, worked me intensely, with focus, as if his whole life depended on it. He alternated between sucking down harder on it and running his tongue along it lightly, the combination driving me insane. And so I sat back, eyes closed, enjoying it but trying not to show him just how much control he had over me.
The boy was good.
Finally, he pulled himself away, gasping, grinning, mouth slicked, and sat back on his knees, his cock hard as ever between his legs.
“C’mere,” I said quietly, nodding at him. “It’s your turn.”
He stared back, surprised, always so desperate to please, so unaware of the fact that he was desirable, too. “Yeah?”
I nodded again. And with tha,t he lifted himself closer, arranging himself beside me so that his cock was just in front of my face, within spitting distance.
That perfect little cock.
It may not have been the biggest, but it was one of the nicest, beautiful in how it pointed so assuredly out in front of him.
I extended a hand, angling it towards me, pre-cum dripping off the end of it, and then took him in my mouth, savoring that first taste as he slid inside, running along my tongue and finding the back of my throat. My eyes never left his as he stared back down at me, entranced, overcome.
“Fuuuuuuckk,” he muttered quietly under his breath.
I pulled away, eyes still searing into him, starting to work him with my hand. “How’s that?”
“So…good…,” he replied, emphatic, panting.
And then I put my mouth back on him, taking him inside in my long, deliberate thrusts, working him with both my lips and my hand, milking his cock with everything I had.
It was so gratifying how much he loved it, this rabidly horny 18-year-old that had barely experienced any of this before.
I felt him start to shift his hips, doing the work for me.
I pulled off, grinning. “C’mon, Cuz,” I muttered, goading him. “Give me what you got.”
He looked back, confused. “What?”
“Ride me,” I muttered. “Fuck my face.”
He blinked.
“Yeah.” I smiled inside, seeing him so bashful, so timid. I liked pushing him past his boundaries. “Give me all you got.”
And with that, he lowered himself back down to my mouth, pressing my lips apart and letting it run inside, his smaller size an insurance policy against anything too invasive as he began sliding in and out of me, pumping between my cheeks, each time just grazing the back of my throat.
I enjoyed it nonetheless, that perfect little cock filling me up, my hand reaching down for my own, still hard, beginning to jerk it in time with his thrusts.
As much as I liked being Kev’s big brother figure—teaching him, letting him service me, be my biggest fan—there was something deep inside me that liked the inverse.
That I liked giving as much as I was getting.
As much as I put forth an energy of dominance, of impenetrability, the truth remained—I loved sucking dick.
I stared up at Kev, his eyes narrowing, breath quickening. I could tell he was holding back his nut, close to losing his resolve. So I decided to push him a little further.
I removed my hand from my dick and began running a finger along Kev’s ass crack, lightly grazing it until I found the very beginning of his hole, smooth and tight between his cheeks.
I watched his eyes widen, his face flushed. He nodded at me, his head shaking up and down.
He liked it.
And so I lifted my hand away, licking my finger tips to wet them, before reaching back below and finding his hole again, sliding my middle finger just inside.
His face turned at that first entry, the way I traced his interior with only the slightest resistance. While Kev may have been a tight ass, one thing was clear—he was bred to be a bottom, the inside of his hole opening up at the slightest invitation, just ready to be filled.
“How’s that feel?” I asked.
“Good—,” he replied, voice clipped, ass in turn opening up and bearing down against my fist. “Really good—”
“Why don’t you ride my finger a little bit?”
He looked down at me, inspired, nervous. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I affirmed. “Give it a shot.”
And so, holding my hand in place, he began lifting and lowering his hips, each time he rose, my finger teasing his rim, each time he fell letting it find that familiar node inside him.
I watched with a mixture of pride and deep desire.
He was fucking himself, riding me, with great aplomb.
Inspired, he picked up speed, gaining momentum, his body guiding him purely by sensation. He bucked up and down, back and forth, faster and faster, his face tightening, lower lip lightly bitten.
And then finally, spent, he came to stillness, me still inside him, pressing up against that node. Hard. Insistent. “You feel that?”
“Yeah*?*”
“It’s your prostate.”
He nodded back at me, as if something for him was finally coming together. I pressed my finger deeper in, tapping against it.
“It’s enough to make me bust,” he whispered.
“Then do it,” I ordered. And I meant it. “I wanna taste that load.”
His dick jumped as I said it, and so I winked at him.
“Welcome back to Holden.”
And with that, he lifted himself up and pressed his cock back against my lips, curled into the slightest O to receive him, and pressed himself inside.
He went back to fucking my face, still gentle despite my encouragement, every time he pulled away my finger railing deeper inside him, every time he thrust inside finding the furthest recesses of my mouth.
“Fuck…fuck…,” he panted, hips quickening, body riding the sensation of being worked from without and within. “I’m close.”
And with that declaration, his face went from focused and stricken to ecstatic and overcome, his cock tightening within the confines of my mouth, the first shot of his load hitting the back of my throat. I savored it, the taste of him, the knowledge that it was probably the first time he’d ever let a guy swallow his load.
He was giving me his nut, and I was giving him a gift.
And then, sensing his overstimulation, his desire to pull away, I bore down, holding him in place from both ends, milking the remaining nut with my tongue, until each pulse, one by one, was swallowed.
Kev let out a deep, long exhale, his body finally coming to stillness before falling backwards onto the bed, my fingers slipping out of him, his cock falling from my lips.
“Fuck me,” he muttered.
"Well, not yet,” I said, laughing.
I looked at him, his face so happy. Kevin, the puppy dog. I suppose I’d missed him, too all these months. It was nice to have him back.
“You like having your ass played with, huh?”
“I guess so,” he replied.
I reached down for my cock, still hard and awaiting its own finish. “You think you can take all of this?”
He looked down. “I dunno, Nate…” He trailed off.
“I think you can.”
And with that, inspired, he climbed on top of me, taking my dick in his hand and placing just up to his opening, teasing me with its slightly parted lips, ever so loosened by my finger.
He let out a faint whimper, my own breath tightening in my chest. It felt good, running just along the face of him. I wanted to know what it felt like all the way in. But all in due time.
Until then, this first inch would have to be enough.
Lowering himself down, he positioned our faces mere inches apart.
“You know…I’ve never kissed anyone before.”
I looked back at him, surprised. And then I did the math. His inexperience when he’d first arrived. His awakening that week. The few short months since then.
I believed him. It was probably true.
“And you…” I replied, sensing where this was going. “…want it to be me?”
He nodded back, a grin taking over his face. “Kissing cousins.”
I extended an arm to push him away, the joke hardly landing, but he pressed me back down before I could, his intensity startling. His eyes seared into mine, more confident than ever, mouth open, just inches away.
Daring me.
And then, without permission, he took control, our lips meeting.
The initial shock gave way to recognition.
I’d never kissed a guy before, either.
And I liked it.
And so I received him, pressing my tongue inside, finding his, encircling it, massaging it, ours engaged in the most perfect dance. The more forcefully I found him, the more he responded in kind. Within moments, he fully let go, unleashed, his arms pulling me even tighter, body pressed against my stomach, once again hard.
I reached down and took my dick in my hand, jerking it along his hole, the sensation of his body against mine sending me into overdrive. I pressed my tongue deeper inside him, thrashing around with abandon, letting him grip onto me with all of his might.
And then I realized it. I was close. Startlingly close. Kissing Kev had sent a shockwave through my body and down to my dick, the sensation of his mouth on mine inspiring something in me I’d never experienced before.
And then, I let go, ribbon after ribbon of come shooting out of me, painting the outsides of Kev’s hole and his lower back as he held me even tighter, closer, his mouth not leaving mine for a second.
Finally drained, I released my cock, spent, and ran my fingers just along the face of his fully slicked hole, pressing a finger back inside him, teasing him.
His cock pulsed against me, and he finally removed his mouth from mine.
“I want you to fuck me, Nate,” he murmured. “This trip. My first.”
I stared back at him, my finger still pressed just inside, my head drunk from his kiss and the way it had inspired one of the most intense orgasms I’d ever had.
“I think we can manage that,” I replied, deflecting, as if I were taking a cocktail order.
“I’m serious,” he said, firmer this time, his eyes refusing to look away. “I want it to be with you.”
He meant it. This meant something. To him.
“All right,” I replied, sobering up, meeting his tone. “I’d be honored.”
He smiled. “Good.”
And with that, he rested himself back down to stillness, falling asleep on my chest.
—