Pining and it's getting out of control
I'm a straight female and have been married for 13 years and have 3 wonderful kids, but I have seriously become obsessed with women and can't stop watching female on female porn. Borderline addiction level which is slightly concerning. Growing up my childhood friend and I "experimented" but outside of that I've never had any sexual encounters with a female. I've been attracted to women at times and fantasize about sex with women using those thoughts to get off to.
Recently, I've become much closer with a work friend. Turns out we both like the same reading genres and we share book recommendations often, and have become "work besties". There is just something about her that has me very attracted to her and very turned on by her. She's on my mind frequently. I can't describe it but I feel like there is just "something" between us. It could all be in my head and simply be a fantasy, but I can't quit thinking about it. Maybe it's just because I know what kind of stuff she reads and that I know she's turned on by the same stuff, and we've sort of bonded through our fucked up reading genres. We've never hung out outside of work, but I'm trying to figure out a way to make that happen. I would never try anything with her as I feel like that would definitely be cheating on my husband, and we already went through a really hard time about 5 years back. She also just got married. Not to mention how fucking weird that would be if we hung out and I obviously have the wrong idea and made a fool of myself. I already feel dirty and pervy because we have to change for work and sometimes we are in the locker room at the same time and it's so hard to keep my eyes on her eyes while we're talking and changing. I've definitely stole quick glances at her 😔
I've told my husband about my "experimenting" phase with my childhood friend and I'm pretty sure he knows I'm attracted to women sometimes because I'll just come out and say "she's hot" "I'd fuck her" or make other comments like that. I'm pretty sure he's caught on to my little crush. I'm trying to get the courage to ask him seriously without him thinking I'm being funny, how he would feel if I had a female friend "with benefits". I honestly don't have friends outside of work and we often joke about that so he'd probably be like "babe, you have to make a friend first". I love him and I'm definitely not looking to replace him in any way. I just can't describe why I feel like I need to have a sexual experience with a women. I know it's starting to consume me though and make me CRAZY.