Closeted guy just seeking advice
I used to be closeted and occasionally see sissies and used to date cis women. I got outted and ostracized. I lost all my male friends and dating women got hard. Well I'm a religious black guy from a conservative community. I kinda became a shell of myself since. I used to be the life of the party. Now I'm a shell shocked recluse. I just feel like a broken man. So I started bottoming, shaving, waxing to cope. I used to be a strong dominant man before I got caught. I soon realised I'm still sad so I abstained from sex and got sober off drinking. I gained lots of weight recently. I'm older now so I don't have that early 20s skinny look. I don't bottom anymore or dress and I'm trying to regain my masculine frame, but I have a reputation as a slut and girls in my community don't really want a guy like me and girls accepting enough wouldn't want such a strict traditionalist, conservative, and religious environment. I'm kinda recluse. I do kind of crave sissies but idk.. I just want some people to talk to. I crave the feeling. Its like denying myself this year it's building up the feeling, the pent up relapse and no I won't bottom anymore. I don't look or feel fem anymore but publically I'll always be viewed as a sissy.