u/VegetableAnything519

i've been edged out of my mind for hours. can't think straight. can't focus on anything except how empty i feel right now.

every time i try to focus on something else my brain just snaps back to it. touching. needing. that buzzing ache that won't go away no matter what i do.

i don't want soft. i don't want sweet. i want someone who knows how to talk to a girl who's already half gone.

if you're older, confident, and know exactly what to say to push me over message me. tell me how you'd start. don't just say hey.

We agreed it was just bad timing. Exhaustion. Late night. A stupid accident. The next day we both acted like nothing happened, and I almost believed myself.

Almost.

The problem was that after that night, he didn't avoid me. He got closer. Finding reasons to sit beside me. Letting his hand brush mine when he reached for something. Looking at me like he was waiting for me to say something I couldn't take back.

And I didn't stop him.

Three weeks later we were at his kitchen table, some project spread out between us. I tucked my hair behind my ear without thinking. He stopped typing. Stared at my neck. Didn't touch. Just stared.

"Stop," he said quietly.

"I'm not doing anything," I said.

"That's the problem."

I should have left. I didn't.

At some point the conversation died. I looked up. He was already watching me with this expression — not hungry, not angry. Resigned. Like he already knew how this ended.

"We can pretend this isn't happening," I said.

He shook his head slowly. "We tried that. It didn't work."

"Then what do you want?"

He took my hand. Gently. Testing. I didn't pull away.

"I want us to stop lying," he said. "You want me to kiss you. I want to kiss you. Let's skip the speech about why we shouldn't."

I held my breath.

"You're scared," I whispered.

"Yeah," he said. "Scared once won't be enough."

So I kissed him first. Not him. Me.

Soft. Quick. Like I could still take it back.

He exhaled against my mouth. "You'll regret this."

"Then make it worth regretting."

He didn't hold back after that. Slow at first. Careful. Like he was learning me by touch alone.

We didn't stop that night. We stopped when the sun came up.

And when I left, he didn't say "forget this happened."

He said, "Come back. We already broke everything worth breaking."

I went back.