I just don’t know how to scale the extent of damage I’m doing fo my body in like a realistic way. Because when I first started taking pressies I was fucking stupid I didn’t know anything about drugs and I didn’t question if dark web pills were honestly true adderall. when I found out they’re p much just meth I didn’t even care
but I have a complicated relationship with these things. Had a dark season in my life early last year doing 60mg a day was enough to break me after 6 months and I had to stop. The timeline for that was basically Feb-Aug 2025.
I’ve missed them ever since, contemplating buying them all the time, hold off, when finals came I just finally took the plunge and bought a new batch this month, not even a lot.., but for some fuckin reason instead of starting off with 30mg I just jumped right back to 60 for my reunion
and since I don’t trip about drugs usually, I didn expect this fear and dread to arise. I just have a bad feeling
I’ve been taking 60-120mg a day two or three times a week for the past 3 weeks
truly how fucked am I? Is anyone able to give me some perspective? I forgot the abbreviation for the hellish recovery time when getting off of stims but that longterm mental anguish is my main concern.
I have CPTSD and major depression so I just wonder if I took it too far this time. I feel fine like, I feel this horrible crushing emptiness on the comedown every time, but as it stands, I’m usually just in a horrible mood for a couple days afterwards from what I can observe. It’s not ruining my life yet but like
I can’t afford to suffer more than I already do naturally. Not for months or years on end at least.
I know NOTHING about meth itself like in its OG forms so I think that’s why I’m having trouble trying to step back and assess the mental debt I’m actually accruing here.