u/darkchocofraise

I won’t get into details as to why, though I assume you can guess, but two days ago I downed around 900-1000mg DPH, somewhere in the ballpark of 100-200mg of Ritalin, and 400mg of caffeine. Starting the night of this, every time I try to fall asleep, I hear the sounds of mice crawling around inside my mattress and trying to reach me. It’s gotten to the point where I feel them crawling on my legs over the blanket and scurrying around in my hair when I’m trying to sleep. During the daytime, I hear them squeaking and running around my room, and I’ve driven myself genuinely crazy checking all the traps in my room and trying to even get a brief glimpse of one to prove to myself that it’s real. I’ve already received confirmation from pretty much everyone else in my family that I’m the only person who’s heard/felt any evidence of our infestation mysteriously coming back after being gone for almost a year.

The only thing that’s made me feel like it might not be a hallucination is the fact that I’ve been seeing mouse droppings (though they could also just be hallucinations too) and the fact that when I was actively tripping, none of my hallucinations came close to the realm of my trauma with mice. It feels insane for me to call anything about my experience comfortable, but I have fuzzy memories of these little crystal jellyfish popping up on my tablet screen, of a cat spider coming down from my ceiling and watching me, and of my boyfriend reassuring me that he loves me. I don’t think I felt scared at all except for the brief moments when I felt my heart going crazy. But even then, it wasn’t fear. It was like this subtle acceptance of like, “Oh, I guess this is it. Damn.”

This kind of just turned into a huge ramble, but has anyone else had an experience like this? How the hell do you manage the hallucinations? I already read a bit about HPPD both from the internet and this sub, and I know it could last me a few years, but how do I get used to this being my day to day life for a while?