u/delicatoto

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I was nineteen, and I was so stupidly obsessed with this guy.

One night we were hanging out in his best friend’s basement with the guy's girlfriend. Just drinking beers, regular stuff. But the vibe changed so fast. Before I even realized what was happening, the two of them started stripping and just straight up tearing into each other on the couch right in front of us.

I completely froze. I couldn't even blink. My boyfriend pulled me back against him, sliding his hands inside my clothes, whispering in my ear how hot it would be to share me and how bad he wanted to watch me with them.

The girlfriend looked right at me, totally breathless, begging me to come over. My guy started unbuttoning my jeans, pushing me toward the couch. But I just panicked. My strict upbringing and anxiety completely took over. I grabbed his hand to stop him and mumbled, "I can't."

Honestly, they didn't push it. He just kissed me, got up, and climbed right onto the couch with them. I sat there glued to my chair, completely losing my mind, watching my first love get dirty with his friends right in front of my face. It was the most devastatingly hot and messed up thing I’ve ever seen.

He’s been out of my life for years now, but I still think about that night basically every time I close my eyes. My absolute biggest secret? I would give literally anything to go back to that basement, drop my pants, and just say yes.

So, my husband and I had a couple of his friends over for drinks.

We were all pretty buzzed, just joking around, and out of nowhere he looks at me and says, "Bet you won't show them."

I thought he was kidding, but he had that look. I don't know what got into me—maybe the wine—but I just stood up and did it. Lifted my top, no hesitation.

​The silence was insane. They were literally staring with their mouths open.

​The rest of the night was so intense. Every time I’d get up to get a drink, I could feel their eyes following me.

One of them kept making these low-key comments like, "Man, I really didn't know what I was missing," and "How do you even leave the house?"

​My husband was just sitting there looking so smug and proud. It was such a trip.

​Then this morning, I checked my phone and had a text from one of them (the one I always thought was the 'shy' one):

​"Still seeing stars from last night. Sorry if this is weird, but you're incredible."

​I haven't even replied yet. My heart is still racing just thinking about it. Is it bad that I kind of want to do it again?