I have only had sex now twice in my life. The first time was with a much older man during my first week of university.
It’s a long story but I didn’t set an age requirement and I was really drunk and stupid in the week before lectures began
There are a lot of reasons I never saw him again, but he was too rough with me. He probably thought I was a stupid girl because he was in his 40s.
In the moment I couldnt think of anything, it was like my brain turned off as he used me
It only became sexy when I would think about it in the years afterwards
I’ve graduated now and I’m moving back home while I find a job
I haven’t been with anyone this entire time. For three years.
My friends are all going out or they have boyfriends and I’ve just been studying. Or maybe I’ve just been nervous as it was a very overwhelming first time for me
I know everyone back home and I feel like I won’t have the chance to do anything unusual or crazy because everyone talks to each other
I just wanted to experience something
So I messaged him again for the first time in 3 years.
I know I’m not as ”petite” after this time and I was nervous in case he had a problem with it
I was extremely nervous in the taxi and it didn’t help that he pointed out that I’ve ”grown”
My boobs are bigger which I think he liked but I’m not as skinny anymore. I felt like a little girl the last time I was there
He barely spoke.
He took me to his bedroom and fucked me from behind
It was harder than I remembered from last time
He was really rough with me and said some mean things as he did it to me. It still hurt a lot to be honest.
I felt almost as tight as I did before
It’s embarrassing but I screamed for a while and there were tears running down my face
He lasted a very long time and I saw him holding his phone in the reflection of his mirror, so I know he was recording me or taking photos
But most of the time he was holding my head down and slapping me with his other hand
He made me open my mouth at the end and it was the first time I have tasted cum in my mouth
It felt weird and thick, it didn’t go down my throat easily but he held himself there until I swallowed everything
I felt like I did a few years ago. Used.
I’ve been touching myself every now and then for three years thinking about this type of sex again
But now I feel quite ashamed. Like someone used me and then threw me away again
I’m going back home in a week and know I can’t tell anyone things like this
I’m always keeping things to myself