Want to try meth for the ontological peak, but my body/mind is a genetic shitshow
Wanted to hit stims (meth/amph) for the peak ontological experience. Shulgin was a total elitist about psychedelics, and even Deleuze/Guattari were skeptical about drugs, but what's the alternative? My ex-friend said he understood everything about latter ones on LSD, but all I got was 4 hours of nonstop sex.
Maybe my philosophical quest is just a desperate search for dopamine. Even then... Something about amphetamines and phenetylamines in theory...
I’ve got a massive NO-NO combo though.
Physical: hypermobility spectrum disorder, mild endothelial dysfunction, IRBBB, trace valve regurgitation and retinal dystrophy.
Mental: egosyntonic homicidomania, suspected OCD, grandiosity, and rigid maladaptive daydreaming about success/violence/torture (which is interesting because my openness is on another level).
My friend says that I already act like a bath salt user while my mind is constantly on acid. And that's when I am sober
What I hate is that I seek enlightenment, but I can't touch the apple, and fucking dumb kids can't even die from 1g of cocaine until they mix xanax and alcohol on a comedown lol
So what should I even do? Am I the first person to get addicted to mental meth LMAO