Swamp ass (F24)
I woke up yesterday with my stomach gurgling. I spent the next 20 minutes lying in bed letting hot, silent farts ooze out of me before I had to get up and run my errands. I had the blankets tucked under my legs so that the smell didn’t escape, but honestly, it didn’t do much. I could smell every last one and those farts could’ve peeled paint. But I was glad to get them out because then I would be less gassy for the rest of the day, right?
Wrong.
All day, I could feel pressure building up in my bloated tummy. And these were not farts that I could hold. They were burning hot and fighting to escape my colon. I spent my whole day discreetly ripping nuclear bombs.
When I was outside, I pushed them out, unconcerned with the sputtering and duck quacks that escaped my butt. But a few times, the wind blew my farts back to me. I didn’t have to smell them to know they were nasty- I could tell from the way they popped against my hole and the moisture between my cheeks. But smelling them was a whole different experience, and I felt guilty for the way I crop-dusted every store.
With each passing hour, they got worse and in the evening- as I cooked dinner for my mother- I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes to unleash. I tried to fart in front of the fan we had in the kitchen window, hoping it would blow it straight outside, but the smell filled up the kitchen for a few solid minutes.
By the time I was leaving my parents house (in the uber my bf ordered me), I was farting every few minutes. I remember sitting on the floor of my bedroom, ripping violent farts that rippled between my ass and the hardwood floor.
They hadn’t slowed down even a little by the time my uber arrived. I spent the beginning of the ride desperately clenching my asshole to avoid suffocating someone’s poor father, but I ended up falling asleep. Im not sure if I was farting in my sleep, but I woke to the car smelling a bit funky. (I would like to note that if I was farting, the windows were still closed when I woke up so who knows? Maybe he was one of y’all 🤣)
My farts lasted all night and into the morning (rip my poor bf, who definitely took a few particularly bad ones to the crotch while we cuddled). And even after taking a greasy shit as soon as I woke up, my entire work commute was spent fumigating train cars.
Twice, I held in farts that seemed to build in my stomach, and I let both of them out as I got off the train. I didn’t get to see the aftermath but by the burn of my asshole, I think I could imagine it pretty well.
I walked some of the way to work, pushing out huge, loud farts. There was barely anyone on the street with me, so I farted loudly and proudly, until one particular fart made me fear that I had messed my pants.
Ik some of you will take joy in knowing that I BLEW up the bathroom in the welcome center of a college near my job. I knew that it would be gross and I couldn’t subject my coworkers to that. I could barely handle the smell as I washed my hands.
And I left wishing I had a tongue to lick me clean, because I KNOW I wasn’t able to do the job with just toilet paper, even though I tried.
Anyway, I spent the past day and a half savoring each fart so I could tell y’all about it. Each fart was sulfury and shitty smelling, so I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who had to smell them 🤣