First Time Reflections of a Convert
I’m a 34 (F) married (32, M) long-time lurker on this sub. I’ve often enjoyed rubbing myself to the stories and journal entries other girls post. I’ve also enjoyed reading the lessons, lectures and encouragement men post - it definitely gets my head buzzed.
That said, I would often leave it at nothing more than fantasy, because I genuinely lack impulse control, especially when it comes to pleasure.
Then last Friday something sexually clicked in place with my husband in a way it hasn’t in a long time. We just found that physical and psychological rhythm where we played non-stop for hours.
For context, I’m already used to our unsaid and casual arrangement, where I do rub myself, but ask him to masturbate me when I wish to cum. I always ask “May i cum?”, but we both know it’s a formality where he will always say yes. So he has never denied me before. He ensures I come every time we play. Even if he doesn’t,
In my horny state on Friday I confessed to reading posts here and telling him I was curious to try.
He just smiled. Set no ground rules, no parameters, just said to leave it to him. What followed was almost 72 hours of teasing me, rubbing my clit, and fucking my pussy. I can’t cum from penetration, so that is 100% safe. He said his goal was to help fully shift my mindset into accepting that my holes are his and meant to service him. That it seems like it’s been a mistake to prioritize my orgasms over his own.
He came multiple times in my pussy and my mouth. Shockingly, I felt no jealously. I was proud I could serve him in all the ways he deserves. He had me repeat the magic words “Good girls don’t cum unless permitted. I’m a good girl and I don’t have permission”.
I took a nap with my face nestled against his cock and it was all so freeing. My mind was empty, floaty, sleepy and my body was completely pliant to him. There was zero mental or physical resistance to him within hours.
On Saturday we had a professional event to attend all day, and I was afraid I’d be too much of a mess to focus. But the buzz wasn’t overwhelming, just pleasant and constant. I would look over at my husband across the room and smile thinking about the control I gave up, without any of it feeling fake or too much. It’s the wildest experience I’ve ever felt mentally even though it involved no touching.
Sunday, he finally let me cum. I was grateful and the consuming wave was incredible. I’m generally too proud to beg, so I appreciate he didn’t make me go there. Though to be honest I haven’t felt like begging. I didn’t think I could find acceptance so quick that denial is better for me. But it clearly is. I’m kinder to my husband, more respectful, more deferential, more sexually available, more enthusiastic. He certainly enjoys it, and I do too.
Previously, when I used to rub myself to posts in this group in secret, I would always think the girls who post here are exaggerating or lying. That there is no way anyone would choose to deny themselves for days or weeks on end.
Then I did 3 days no problem, and now I’ve been told we will be doing a minimum of 5 with me to receive no insight on when it will end. My husband said he’s giving me this guarantee that it will be atleast 5 days so I can calm my mind, but I don’t get an end date. This isn’t about me counting down to my own orgasm. That is selfish. It is about learning to accept his control, and focus on his pleasure. This time there are rules.
I cannot rub my clit directly - no stroking, and certainly no circles. I can tap it directly as many times as I like, as long as I stay at the edge. I can trace around my pussy lips as often as I like.
He fucked me till he came in me last night after setting out the rules. We also went out later last night and purchased some medical tape. I confessed to looking at posts of girls with their pussy and/or clit taped away, and he was thrilled at the prospect of trying it - likely that will begin tonight.
Then he woke me up this morning by rubbing my still leaking cunt. I used to think it was hyperbole - how could a pussy leak all night like that? Well friends, it is indeed possible, I have learned (lol). My pussy was so ready to take his cock, and my clit was throbbing. He fucked me again and came in me again before we both got ready for work. It put my head in exactly the right place to focus on his pleasure and not my own.
I’m now at work, writing this after getting out of my morning meeting where I had to be in charge of things. We both have an intellectually demanding and high pressure job, but when we both come home, I can’t wait to go back to being his set of holes and tits.
Sorry for the lengthy and winding nature of my post. It’s a first reflection so my mind meandered through it all.