Self-Care Day
Pics from my funny PJs I found, the dress I wore today that is officially a size too small, the results of an AMAZING and much needed pedicure, and me getting my grill fired up to make some hotdogs and cheeseburgers. If you wanna see more with the hot dog… you know where to find me 😉
-
Mental Health Awareness Month
This is going to be a long read, with potentially triggering topics so please read at your own risk and take care of yourself.
Normally, I am someone who is championing during this month. Between fundraising, mental health event planning, outreach and advocacy, networking… May has always been one of my busier months. This year I’ve taken a step back, because I’m trying to practice what I always preach: you cannot pour into the cup of others if yours is empty.
I think it’s safe to say I really have not been feeling like myself lately. I’ve taken a lot of steps back from being online by taking down my subscriber based sites. I haven’t been on Reddit much either and most of my time has been spent working, sleeping, or laying in the dark for 48 hours at a time because of migraines.
It’s been over 8 months since I’ve had health insurance and access to my care providers and medication that lets me be a person, but hopefully that’s being resolved soon!
For those who don’t know I am cyclothymic (possibly bipolar II; working diagnosis). When I am feeling “fun” I am the MOST fun. I am productive, outgoing, the life of the party (and the bedroom 😅)… but this also means I don’t sleep more than 1-2 hours a night and am regularly awake for 24-48+ hours at a time.
When I crash, I crash HARD. To most people, it probably looks like I disappear off the face of the earth. So many people have told me “oh you always seem so great” but it’s because when I’m not, we don’t talk. I hide myself away until I’m feeling better.
That being said, I am so incredibly grateful for the people who have stuck by me, checked on me and continue to do so, and have been so incredibly patient with me during this time.
I’m done with my subscription sites for the foreseeable future, and don’t really see myself streaming again for awhile either. Taking a step back to take care of myself has become the necessity, even if I really didn’t want to. I’m still taking on some private sales, but honestly… I don’t feel pretty. I don’t feel sexy. My libido has tanked to the point that I almost don’t recognize myself.
So I’m here and I’m okay. I’m popping in when I feel more like myself because this community has become a second home to me. It helps me to remind myself that I am still me, even when I can’t always see it when looking in the mirror.
Thanks y’all for the patience, support, and love you all have shown me for the last few months. You’re truly the best and I can’t wait to get back to hanging out more regularly! 💕