I know how this sounds and I'm partially embarrassed and partially feeling so happy because a fantasy of mine is somewhat fulfilled. I did it and it's been hours since and I felt a bit guilty but I felt so, happy.
I have an evening class on Tuesdays and it's a 3 hour long class. I'm usually exhausted after class because it's so long. Today we had been doing a midterm review and people began leaving pretty early, within an hour or two of class once they finished the review problems. I hardly got through the review because I couldn't focus. I was kind of stressed and down about things that have been going on in my life and all throughout today I was thinking about a new fantasy I really wanted to play out with my boyfriend but couldn't with the way we've been semi-fighting.
Eventually, I was the only one in class and my teacher said I could stay but would need to leave by 9:30 (it was nighttime) as campus was going to close then. I figured I'd stay because I couldn't focus too much at home and I also accidentally paid for an extra hour of parking while in a rush to get to class earlier. My teacher left and the classroom was quiet. It was 8:30. I got up and walked around and twirled around. I looked at myself in the reflection of the window and laughed. And then I turned around to see how my body must've looked in the form fitting mermaid dress i wore today. I pretended like I had dropped something and bent over and looked behind me—when i saw the reflection of the shape of my body, i smiled. I wondered if the window was blacked out on the inside but not the inside. What if someone was looking? I felt a strange sort of thrill, like a temptress of sorts. I imagined this was the body that had many a men around me imagining what a pretty and docile and quiet girl would be like.
Nobody would've looked at me and thought I was really just that depraved or shameless on the inside. My boyfriend knew. And somehow the the fact that nobody but him knew, made a sly smile creep up my face. I wondered what he'd think. I walked over to my professor's podium and bent over while holding the side of the podium. I could feel my boyfriend gripping me and feel his bite into the back of my nape and his hard up against me. I turned around, holding the podium from behind me. I felt breathless and flushed imagining him standing in front of me looking down from above while he pushed me further to the wall of the podium and leaned my body over it and ran a hand up my abdomen while up against me. Oh my god. I felt intoxicated from "want."
Nobody was there and nobody could see what I was doing.
And then an idea came to mind. I really wanted to pleasure myself in a classroom. It sounds twisted but I'd always had a fantasy of student-teacher play. It started when I began having a crush on my 10th grade teacher, which fell off after I found out he was engaged, so that was sad. It's been years since but he's always simmered up in my mind on occasion when I'm at school.
And so I stood up and walked over and sat down obediently like a proper student at my seat in front of my computer. I looked around for cameras. There were none. The building was quiet.
I was hesitant but nobody was there. I felt such a thrill too and it felt exhilarating somehow. I slid up my dress slowly and my own touch up my leg had butterflies fluttering in my stomach. My breath was taken aback when I felt myself over my panties. I felt so desperate and nervous. I could feel my panties dampening. I looked around the classroom just to make sure nobody was really there. My mouth was open and my breath had stopped as I reached my hands down inside my panties and just closed my eyes with a hand over my mouth while I began playing with myself and pleasuring myself. God it felt so exhilarating. Nobody was there and nobody knew.
I began fingering myself and all I could suddenly imagine was being in my 10th grade teacher's lap while he spread my legs apart and fingered me with one hand while running his other hand around my chest and telling me how bad of a student I was and all the punishment I deserved for that, all sorts of dirty things. He had never seemed like the type of man who'd do that but I wanted to imagine that he did. I wanted to imagine his nice and quiet demeanor hiding a more disciplinary attitude.
Ohmygod. I felt and feel so guilty because he's probably married by now and it was wrong to imagine this but ohmygod. I couldn't help myself. I could hear myself whimpering and letting out soft moans and I couldn't even tell what was going on in my surroundings. It felt so good. I felt ecstatic. I really wanted someone, I really wanted my boyfriend to suddenly be there and to do that to me. I put my legs up on the desk and saw my high heeled boots pushing up my legs further at an angle and my fingers felt better, deeper, inside of me. I just kept thinking, about my boyfriend and then my teacher and then my boyfriend. My boyfriend. I had wanted him all day. My want for him was insatiable and my mind began going to all the fantasies we had played out.
I got desperate and pulled out a small vibrator that I always keep in my bag and turned it on. The moment I put it against me I couldn't keep my voice quiet. My breath had stopped for a moment from the rush of sensation. I put my hand over my mouth imagining my teacher trying to keep me quiet while switching up the intensity on the vibrator and purposefully making my pleasure all the more intense. All you could hear were the sounds of the vibrator at a higher intensity, the ticking of the clock, and the sounds and whimpers I had been making. It felt so good and I feel so guilty for imagining the things I did.
I couldn't take it anymore after quite a while and came and it felt so overwhelming. I fell back into my chair and kept spasming, half clothed, half naked. I felt so sensitive and cold and warm, butterflies all over while my body instantly relaxed and it felt so good. I knew it was really wrong to imagine a past teacher I had a crush on doing the things I dreamt about while asleep back then and getting off on it but all I could do was just smile like a drunkard while looking up at the ceiling. I slipped into my ecstasy and laid on my chair with my legs up and arms fallen down by my sides, completely relaxed. I felt so happy and relieved and like a fantasy was fulfilled even though it was just me who did it.
After a couple moments I took my legs off the desk and turned the vibrator off and wrapped it in a tissue to clean later. I felt dizzy and happy and lighthearted. I was all flushed. I got to play out my classroom fantasy and it felt so lewd. I looked at the clock and it was 9:02. I drank some water and looked at my computer and saw the homework problem I had last been working on. I figured the campus buildings would be locked soon and took out a small pack of wet cleaning wipes I had in my bag and used a wipe to clean down the desk, keyboard, and my chair. I pulled up my panties from in between my boots and pulled down my dress. I made myself look, normal again. I wonder what it'd look like from a view at the bottom off the floor. A pair of panties between two high heeled block boots.
I sat back down in my chair and decided to finish that last problem. I still felt really sensitive. But I felt giddy. I felt electric and ecstatic. To think of my boyfriend doing that to me in actuality someday and making me lose my mind again made me feel even more ecstatic. The words on the monitor jumbled into alphabet soup and I found my mind drifting to him—being his in its entirety. I felt aroused again. I wondered what he was up to, though I knew he was likely asleep by then. We had done something similar very recently but with a proper vibrator, though I hadn't felt as intense of pleasure compared to today for no odd reason. I thought about it. Maybe I wanted him to watch me in such an erotic state of self. Maybe I wanted him to sit back and simply watch and enjoy, and see the look on his face change.
I smelled like musk. In some sense I really liked the faint smell of myself. I tasted my fingers in my mouth, and at that moment I heard the door to the classroom click and I quickly pretended as though I was looking at my phone and the homework problem. It was a security guard. He looked at me and asked if I was planning on staying as the building would be locked in a bit since it was past 9. I told him I'd pack up and would leave in 10 or so minutes. He left.
I packed up my things and went to the bathroom to wash my hands and rinse out my mouth. The building was quiet, except for the sound of other classroom doors opening and shutting as the security guard checked them. And then, the sound of my heels, as they walked across the floor, down two flights of stairs, and outside the building. The sound of my heels as the security guard wished me a good night and i turned around and gave an innocent smile and told him goodnight in the sweetest manner. The sound of my heels as i watched him look at me and smile the way a man does sometimes when a woman gives him focused attention, the gentle thuds of my heels as I stepped outside into the nighttime summer air. Nobody would know. Nobody would ever know that I pleasured myself in a classroom for so long and felt a sense of ecstasy I hadn't in a very long time. Nobody would know that the girl they perceived so innocent and virgin in thought or soul as they walked past and said "you look so cute!" or wished goodnight to, and saw my kind smile back, was just a lewd temptress.
Nobody would know and that's my confession. I feel partially guilty. I feel more happy. I feel exhilaration hours later just thinking about it. I wanted to apologize for having done that at school and thinking of my teacher and being so shameless but I confess to having done it and about the fact that it felt so good. I would not do or imagine this again, but I felt like getting what happened today off my chest.