52 (m4a) #berks, pa submissive guys story
So a month ago I was told I had cancer, the plan was to do chemo, then surgery, then more chemo. Then after a biopsy it was determined I am stage 4, if i do nothing i had less then 6 months left on this crazy world. I opted for the treatment, which is chemo(every 2 weeks) as long as my body can take it, with regular scans and biopsies, and hope for the best. Now I am not looking for sympathy or handouts, but I would love some human bonding. I now have had my first dose of chemo, and honestly I feel good, bit run down, but much better then I was expecting. Outside of human bonding with like minded people, I do have other questions, maybe someone knows or would like to discuss.
At what point do I dispose of my toys? don't want my grown kids being scared
Getting it up, has at times given me issues, hence the attraction to Femdom and Humiliation, although it was there long before. But when does chemo stop it from working. I have been afraid to test this out on my own or do the research.
At times i have had some darker fantasies(things done to me), I wonder if there is an after life, and i have to explain theses thoughts, how would others go into this?
These are but a few of the rambling thoughts I have. Now a little bit more about me, and what has made me tick.
I have always been attracted to submission, yes there was some abuse by a family friend although, i felt worse by the fact that I didn't mind and wanted the attention. Now, i have a degree is Social Work, I know what he did was wrong. I am just saying how i felt. While I have identified as straight, most of my life. I found that with alcohol and submissive vibes, the domination/submission was much more enticing then the gender of the person preforming, unsaid acts. i just wanted to feel out of control, the more intense the scenario, more out of control I would imagine i would feel. Now most of this is just fantasy, i have been tied up, used and such by both men and women, even a few times both at same time, but most of the time it has felt it was done just to appease me, not because of a symbiotic relationship. i had thought the men would be more likely to be dominate and so did the bumble and tinder search, this was not my experience. I have found that less then 10% of both genders enjoy being Dominate, and those people that do have that, find their submissive (who are loyal, sometime to a fault), then they are off the market.
Alas i have gone on too long, but this should give you info to know if you would enjoy a conversation with me. I do have a girlfriend, we do NOT live together, she will know about this. In the past she has been Dom, and even cucked me. but she only has so much time in her life, and with me not working, I am bored and lonely.