15 years of daily weed smoking and I genuinely don’t know how to function without it anymore
I’ve been smoking weed for around 15 years now, and for the last 12–13 years it has been every single day without breaks, and honestly in absurd amounts. I smoke around 25g a week and it costs me several hundreds of euros every month. At this point I can admit it’s a fully escalated addiction.
I’ve tried to quit or moderate literally hundreds of times without success.
The biggest issue is that my brain has linked smoking to almost everything in my daily life. After eating = joint. Gaming = joint permanently between my fingers. Before work = joint. Before sleep = joint. Coffee = joint. Pretty much every routine or activity in my life got paired with smoking over the years.
So when I try to stop or even cut down, it suddenly feels like I don’t even enjoy gaming, food, relaxing, or anything anymore. It sounds stupid and irrational, but my brain genuinely seems wired this way now.
Ideally I’d love to be someone who can smoke moderately, like only evenings or weekends, but realistically that never works for me. It’s always all or nothing. Black or white. Once I start again, it escalates fast. Financially and health-wise I know fully quitting is probably my only real option.
I can go a couple of days without smoking, but honestly it feels like hell. The moment something goes wrong, I have a stressful day, or my mental state drops, I immediately reach for weed again. During those periods I also become pretty unpleasant to be around for the people close to me. Irritable, frustrated, restless, emotionally unstable…
I’ve been smoking for so long that being high almost feels like my “normal” state now. Weirdly enough, I actually feel more socially confident, calmer, and mentally stronger when I’m stoned, which probably makes this even harder to break away from.
I also have autism, ADHD, and pretty unstable mental health in general, which honestly makes this feel even harder. Weed became part coping mechanism, part routine, part personality at this point.
I guess I’m posting this because I want to know if other people experienced this same “everything is connected to smoking” feeling, and if it actually gets better after quitting. Right now the idea of daily life without weed almost feels empty or uncomfortable.