I feel soo overwhelmed :((
Soo much has been happening these days and I just feel soo overwhelmed and broken. It's soo hard making decisions and having to keep up these guards, I wish I could let go for once and let someone hold me but every time I did, I either got raped or assaulted.
I wonder if I'll ever find someone to love me, someone who will actually care enough to wait until my avoidance and fits to push people away dissolves and I am just a panting puppy against their chest. I really just wanted to be loved, that's all I ever wanted. Now I act like I don't and go about life being self sufficient and independent, trying to make peace with the fact that I might never find someone but before I got raped all I wanted was to be loved. I have only had terrible experiences with men over and over again and now I feel stuck in this cycle of rubbing myself to the abuse, seeking more abuse, ending up with abusive men when all I ever wanted was for someone to stop hurting me when they see me crying and begging for it. Idk