u/prince_puss

I feel a bit better high :)

Working in a society you don’t agree with on all levels is such a horrible fate tbh. Anyway older poem that lacks any real structure:

Poem
I read your book
Swallow the pill again
I threw you up

I am attracted to men and women but usually end up with men because I’m short and kinda feminine so not usually what other feminine women are looking for. A guy I was talking to and honestly considering dating up until yesterday sexually assaulted me and I wish I was more broken up about it but I’m fucking used to it now. Do you know how ludicrous that is to be fucking used to sexual violence. I’m 20 I’m still figuring out life and what career I want but I’m desensitized to fuvking assault. I’m more mad that I don’t care than I am that it happened.

I made the stupid decision to have a depressive smoke sesh with this man to help me work through some mental stuff without isolating but weed makes me sleepy. I haven’t been sleeping well lately and was so glad to finally get some rest. Sure enough I feel asleep and woke up to my pants pulled down and him on top of me holding my legs up to my chest. A disgusting vile piece of shit.

Before that I was talking to a guy that was crass but funny and sweet to me but sometimes he’d say things and I’d get this knot in my chest and be so scared to make him mad. Eventually he started saying shit like “did you secretly enjoy any of your rapes?” When I finally blocked him I threw up from being too tense for too long.

Before that I dated a guy with the explicit intent to be in a M/s dynamic with. I was very clear before we ever met that anal and being slapped are hard lines for me and I didn’t want to do it or have it done to me. By the 2nd week he was talking about making me anal only sub. And the very next time I saw him he slapped me lol

I don’t have a viable solution to my problems so poem instead while I try not to commit

Poem: The existential song

Born of nothing and no one to carry everything and everyone
Modeled of perpetual sun and snow in droves
Cold up too the knees
Travaillé et jouer en langues étrangères de ma corps
Till pink don’t matter
And new cracks form from old rocks

And new bones are broken
Écoute a la musique de morts ma chère
Ma mère est triste et ma père est fatigué
Je ne sais pas une vie avec tranquillité
Combien de coût pour ma vie

Midnight baby
Sees friend in the shadows
A cherishing of the day
Welcoming of a new wasteland baby
This is Ms. Peaches coming home
This is Omega screaming for the foreigners god
This is never forget the sun
No don’t you dare forget the sun they way you forgot movement
The way you forgot sarcasm and cynical skin

Welcome to the horizon
Adonai weary child
Wear your moon boots to the playground
To pimp the butterfly
Only bad religions and train food here
Ode to orphies saint and Orion’s Belt

I’m fully aware of how shitty this is as a coping mechanism. I can’t even get off on it there’s literally no benefit I don’t know why I keep doing stupid shit. Ask me questions maybe idk I just want something else to think about.